A very bad Monday morning to start the week off. Xuan woke up crying at 5:30am. Ya-Ya was unable to pacify her, so I carried her out of her bedroom. Well, she did quiet down upon hearing my voice and that was great consolation. I left her to play on her own after Ya-Ya refreshes herself and keep watch over her.
At 7:30am, I got off the bed, refreshes myself to start my "official" duties. Its almost the same routine everyday, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year. The kiddos and Ya-Ya would have had their breakfast by now. So I'll proceed to have a bite and watch CNA while keeping an eye on the kiddos. Ya-Ya showers them around 8:30am (I'll do it occasionally) and they'll get their morning milk feed by 9-9:30am, after which Ya-Ya will take care of the household chores while I toddler-sit. But you know what? Once the munchkins' tummies are filled, that's when they gather enough energy to RR&R, aka run around the house, ransack every corner and ruin my day...
Until 11:30am this morning, both of them were fighting over the same book, the same pen, the same stool when there were many other (and better) alternatives available. They were also getting on my nerves by squeezing themselves through tiny paths between the couch and the window, then finding themselves stuck behind the standing lamp next to the couch and couldn't figure their way out. @!#$%^&* To make it worse, on and off, when En shows signs of sleepiness, I'd just go with the flow and gave her a little pat to help her drift off to sleep. Then midway, our dear little Xuan would drop something with a loud bang, release a laughter or chuckle right at En's face!!! With that, En becomes wide awake and the cycle starts all over again...
I had to take countless deep breaths. No point adding on to the tension by yelling at them, I'd reasoned to myself. I'd ignore them by reading magazines. It worked for a while cos they'd quiet down when no one's giving them any attention. But soon enough, they'll venture into other annoying acts which were capable of driving me insane. I even had to urge to strangle Sesame Street's Elmo whose usually cute voice sounded extremely irritating this morning amidst the chaos.
For a while, I thought I'm going to breathe my last. I could almost see myself six feet underground. I thank God for giving me life and life more "abundantly"!!! Why, God, why??? Why me??? Why twins? Why not a singleton? Such irony!
For my female comrades out there who are desperately trying to conceive, I know you'll be cursing and swearing at me as you read the above. But trust me, you'll feel the same too if you had been in my shoes! Allow me to ventilate, at least for now, for I may not have another chance to do so. Who knows when I'll seriously breathe my last? But then seriously, I know that day will not arrive so soon. At least not today, tomorrow, another week, another month or another year to come. I suppose my Lord wouldn't want me Home so soon for I, too, am capable of annoying Him as such as my kiddos annoy me. Hahaha...
"... I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." - John 10:10 NKJV
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Fever
En's fever started on 15 Feb. And she's still running a temperature on/off even as I'm typing now. From my record, there were 11 times when her body temperature rise above 38 °C, of which 4 were above 39°C.
For the past week, I was sleepless despite being mentally drained and physically exhausted. This is especially so whenever I measures her temperature in the wee hours of the morning and it doesn't look good. Her temperature rises each time her medication wears off. I nearly broke down one morning when the Braun ThermoScan displays a cruel reading of 39.3°C.
I'm overwhelmed with guilt and heartache. There's a mental tug of war going on in that pea brain of mine. What if her brain gets "cooked" if I don't send her to hospital now? But what if she's OK yet I chose to send her to the hospital,; and she ended having IV needles inserted through her tiny veins, gets terrorised by nursing staff who'll inject antibiotics into her every 4 hours, blah, blah, blah... But then again, if I don't send her now, then... ??? And the struggle goes on... The reality of motherhood, I guess. :(
In the midst of all the chaos, I remember my mom whom I had never thank her for her unfailing love and care for me when I was a child. Among my siblings, I'm most guilty of putting that frown on her face when I suffered injuries here and there when I was young. I don't know how much it must have pained her heart to see me get hurt. Only memories of her telling me off for being so careless. Looking back, those must be words of love and concern.
And mom's right. She used to say "You'll understand how a parent feel when you become one." And I'd say better not become one if you're "not prepared" to understand how tough parenting is. Well, gotta go now. Time to take another temperature reading on En.
For the past week, I was sleepless despite being mentally drained and physically exhausted. This is especially so whenever I measures her temperature in the wee hours of the morning and it doesn't look good. Her temperature rises each time her medication wears off. I nearly broke down one morning when the Braun ThermoScan displays a cruel reading of 39.3°C.
I'm overwhelmed with guilt and heartache. There's a mental tug of war going on in that pea brain of mine. What if her brain gets "cooked" if I don't send her to hospital now? But what if she's OK yet I chose to send her to the hospital,; and she ended having IV needles inserted through her tiny veins, gets terrorised by nursing staff who'll inject antibiotics into her every 4 hours, blah, blah, blah... But then again, if I don't send her now, then... ??? And the struggle goes on... The reality of motherhood, I guess. :(
In the midst of all the chaos, I remember my mom whom I had never thank her for her unfailing love and care for me when I was a child. Among my siblings, I'm most guilty of putting that frown on her face when I suffered injuries here and there when I was young. I don't know how much it must have pained her heart to see me get hurt. Only memories of her telling me off for being so careless. Looking back, those must be words of love and concern.
And mom's right. She used to say "You'll understand how a parent feel when you become one." And I'd say better not become one if you're "not prepared" to understand how tough parenting is. Well, gotta go now. Time to take another temperature reading on En.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Gathering
Happy Valentine's Day! Its been quite a while since my last posting. Time is a luxury to me nowadays as I spent 90% of my time interacting, playing with and of course, disciplining the kids. Whatever's left is only enough for a refreshing shower or coffee break. Sigh...
The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...
But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)
So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*
The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...
But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)
So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
'Tis the Season to be "Sleepy"
Christmas and the New Year went by and before we know it, we're just a mere 16 days away from the Lunar Chinese New Year! Amidst the festive preparation (actually its just spring cleaning the house and shopping for new clothes), the tooth fairy and flu bug caught up with En and Xuan respectively. 6 emerging teeth and an ever runny nose, my gosh!!! So there goes my festive mood again...
When a child is not well, everyone around him/her gets busy attending to his/her needs. When you have twins or multiples, its more like engaging in a guerrilla warfare when the kids are unwell at the same time. Surprise raids take place once every 30 minutes after midnight. And that ear piercing, screeching sound of your teething toddler wailing "out of the blue" just makes you want to duck under your blanket forever.
Sleep deprivation is driving me insane. Forget new clothes, grooming, visitation plans, gatherings, etc. All I want for this festive season is my 2 hours of sleep...
When a child is not well, everyone around him/her gets busy attending to his/her needs. When you have twins or multiples, its more like engaging in a guerrilla warfare when the kids are unwell at the same time. Surprise raids take place once every 30 minutes after midnight. And that ear piercing, screeching sound of your teething toddler wailing "out of the blue" just makes you want to duck under your blanket forever.
Sleep deprivation is driving me insane. Forget new clothes, grooming, visitation plans, gatherings, etc. All I want for this festive season is my 2 hours of sleep...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New year... new life?
Had a good time watching fireworks set off from across the straits of Johor last night (or rather, early this morning). And yes, not forgetting the beautiful honking sound from the ships berthing in nearby shipyards or sailing along the straits. This is the one thing that has never change (ever since we moved into this new apartment in 2005) when the clock strikes twelve, ushering in a brand new year. I just love that quiet "commotion" as the chilly breeze brushes across my cheeks in the first moments of 1 January.
Going to bed, I prayed that life would be more exciting and enriching in 2008. And boy! I was right! 4 hours later at 4:05am, my dear En started getting whiny in the wee hours. The culprit - her emerging molars. Oh, how I hate infant teething!!! While Ya-Ya tries her best to pacify En, Di and I head to the kids' room to ensure Xuan is not affected by the scene. Thank God Xuan managed to return to dreamland unassisted.
En, on the other hand, just couldn't settle down. I went up to the cranky gal who is obviously tired. Ya-Ya had to keep changing position when cradling her, but failed miserably. "En, mommy's here. Try to orh-orh, ya?" Upon hearing my voice, she quiet down... 30 seconds later, her whining starts again. I signal to Ya-Ya to pass the poor gal to me. As usual, in my "half-dead" (sleepy) mode, I started singing nursery rhymes, followed by hymns & choruses when my "engine" (vocal chords) warms up. A good 10 minutes later, En knocked out. What a great relieve for Ya-Ya, Di and I. ^.^
But our joy was short lived. En woke up again at 5:55am. We reckoned the discomfort or pain from her emerging molars must be rather unbearable. Paracetamol was administered, and the gal was smiley at last. But the first ray of sunlight had also emerged by the time things settled down. With that, we said "Hola" to new year's day.
New life in a new year? Nah... Looks like things will pretty much remain the same for now. But we sure look forward to more challenges ahead. And for me, personally, I hope to be able to say of the same as Rick Warren in his "Call to Radical Commitment".
"When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. ...
... To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever, and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway.
Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes!"
Going to bed, I prayed that life would be more exciting and enriching in 2008. And boy! I was right! 4 hours later at 4:05am, my dear En started getting whiny in the wee hours. The culprit - her emerging molars. Oh, how I hate infant teething!!! While Ya-Ya tries her best to pacify En, Di and I head to the kids' room to ensure Xuan is not affected by the scene. Thank God Xuan managed to return to dreamland unassisted.
En, on the other hand, just couldn't settle down. I went up to the cranky gal who is obviously tired. Ya-Ya had to keep changing position when cradling her, but failed miserably. "En, mommy's here. Try to orh-orh, ya?" Upon hearing my voice, she quiet down... 30 seconds later, her whining starts again. I signal to Ya-Ya to pass the poor gal to me. As usual, in my "half-dead" (sleepy) mode, I started singing nursery rhymes, followed by hymns & choruses when my "engine" (vocal chords) warms up. A good 10 minutes later, En knocked out. What a great relieve for Ya-Ya, Di and I. ^.^
But our joy was short lived. En woke up again at 5:55am. We reckoned the discomfort or pain from her emerging molars must be rather unbearable. Paracetamol was administered, and the gal was smiley at last. But the first ray of sunlight had also emerged by the time things settled down. With that, we said "Hola" to new year's day.
New life in a new year? Nah... Looks like things will pretty much remain the same for now. But we sure look forward to more challenges ahead. And for me, personally, I hope to be able to say of the same as Rick Warren in his "Call to Radical Commitment".
"When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. ...
... To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever, and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway.
Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes!"
Monday, December 31, 2007
Blessed 2008
Every year, on this very last day of the year, three words will automatically pop up in my mind - New Year Resolution. Do I have one? Do I need one? I think my resolution for the new year is probably to be "resolute about not having a resolution". Kekeke...
To be honest, I really don't think I can keep to any resolution with my current 24/7 stay-at-home-mom status. The munchkins are developing at such speedy pace, I can hardly keep with them, let alone resolutions. Sometimes I seriously doubt my ability to nurture them, given my impatience. But then again, I know I shouldn't think or feel this way. After all, there's a saying which goes "You're not what you think you are, but what you think, you are." Did you get that? So I think my goal in the coming year is to think more godly thoughts, keep my spirit alive and see the fruits developed in me and my loved ones' lives.
For a closure to the year, here's a greeting from En & Xuan, wishing everyone a blessed 2008. God bless!
To be honest, I really don't think I can keep to any resolution with my current 24/7 stay-at-home-mom status. The munchkins are developing at such speedy pace, I can hardly keep with them, let alone resolutions. Sometimes I seriously doubt my ability to nurture them, given my impatience. But then again, I know I shouldn't think or feel this way. After all, there's a saying which goes "You're not what you think you are, but what you think, you are." Did you get that? So I think my goal in the coming year is to think more godly thoughts, keep my spirit alive and see the fruits developed in me and my loved ones' lives.
For a closure to the year, here's a greeting from En & Xuan, wishing everyone a blessed 2008. God bless!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Reminiscence
I attended my secondary school's symphony band's 40th anniversary concert last night with much anticipation. Oh yes, I was once a member of a symphony band. I know, I know... Some of you just couldn't believe it, right? One of my girlfriends rang me on my mobile when I was sipping coffee at the IKEA Cafe prior to the concert. When I told her I'm going for the concert to support my peers from the alumni band, she went "You were from the band? You mean you can play a musical instrument apart from the guitar?"
Haiz... "Do I really look that 'uncultured' to you?" I asked. She burst into laughter and explained that back in Hong Kong (she's a Hong Konger), being able to play a musical instrument is quite a luxury during her school days. Not many schools could afford to have a band as an extra curriculum activity in the first place. Hence, she's surprised we (Singaporeans) had such privileged lifestyle.
Yes, I was indeed a privileged teenager. But apart from feeling grateful I had the chance to get involved in music (I was a percussionist), I was also thankful for the discipline I received in the uniform group as well as the opportunity to "get wild" during those days. Midway through the concert, my mind was filled with reminiscences of past gaiety. Lyn, my girlfriend for the past 22 years and team mate in the band, laughed so loudly when the slide show on "40 years of the symphony band" was shown. Indeed, we couldn't believe we looked so silly then in our uniform. Yet, we can't helped but missed those good, old days. We almost cried when a photograph of the band taken with the then president Dr Wee Kim Wee at the Istana was flashed. We were in it!!! Oh, memories of those youthful days just kept pouring in! In addition, every piece of music played never fail to trigger that sweet longing for those fun filled days. Looking at Lyn, I knew she felt the same - we were swept down memory lane...
We sneaked to the backstage during the interval in search of our "past". There, we found our dearest band instructor (whom we guess is at least 80 years old now), our crazy seniors and some other familiar faces. Photographs were taken and everyone spoke like that was our last meeting. Well, you never know...
Now, I can't help but wonder how I'd feel next month at a monologue held at Jubilee Hall. CK, the lead cast (or rather, the only cast) is my friend of 28 years!!! Well, in case you're wondering, I'm not that old. I just happened to have him as a playmate when I was in primary one and we had stayed as friends since then. Come to think of it, both Lyn and CK were never my classmates. We were just school mates and remained as friends from then. Are we all predestined to be friends for life or what??? Nah... More likely a result of my PR skills being developed and tested at a tender age. Hahaha...
Haiz... "Do I really look that 'uncultured' to you?" I asked. She burst into laughter and explained that back in Hong Kong (she's a Hong Konger), being able to play a musical instrument is quite a luxury during her school days. Not many schools could afford to have a band as an extra curriculum activity in the first place. Hence, she's surprised we (Singaporeans) had such privileged lifestyle.
Yes, I was indeed a privileged teenager. But apart from feeling grateful I had the chance to get involved in music (I was a percussionist), I was also thankful for the discipline I received in the uniform group as well as the opportunity to "get wild" during those days. Midway through the concert, my mind was filled with reminiscences of past gaiety. Lyn, my girlfriend for the past 22 years and team mate in the band, laughed so loudly when the slide show on "40 years of the symphony band" was shown. Indeed, we couldn't believe we looked so silly then in our uniform. Yet, we can't helped but missed those good, old days. We almost cried when a photograph of the band taken with the then president Dr Wee Kim Wee at the Istana was flashed. We were in it!!! Oh, memories of those youthful days just kept pouring in! In addition, every piece of music played never fail to trigger that sweet longing for those fun filled days. Looking at Lyn, I knew she felt the same - we were swept down memory lane...
We sneaked to the backstage during the interval in search of our "past". There, we found our dearest band instructor (whom we guess is at least 80 years old now), our crazy seniors and some other familiar faces. Photographs were taken and everyone spoke like that was our last meeting. Well, you never know...
Now, I can't help but wonder how I'd feel next month at a monologue held at Jubilee Hall. CK, the lead cast (or rather, the only cast) is my friend of 28 years!!! Well, in case you're wondering, I'm not that old. I just happened to have him as a playmate when I was in primary one and we had stayed as friends since then. Come to think of it, both Lyn and CK were never my classmates. We were just school mates and remained as friends from then. Are we all predestined to be friends for life or what??? Nah... More likely a result of my PR skills being developed and tested at a tender age. Hahaha...
Monday, November 26, 2007
My Calling Revealed?
A few days after I prayed about my calling, I received an email from a friend whom I've not met for the past 15-16 months. In fact, we've only met about 5 times at our antenatal class before we both delivered our kiddos in 2006. We hit off quite well at the class then and had been exchanging photos of our girls via email for a while.
Now, her email to me speaks of her dream to venture into a business and she wants to find out if I'm interested to be part of her dream project. Well, we seemed like a perfect combi cos she's got a creative mind whereas I'm a management person. Sounds balance, right? Not that I've got no creativity, but I've seen her works. She's got an honours degree in Creative Arts and I can only say she's really gifted! Moreover, I do get great satisfaction from managing projects and logistics stuff. That's what I've been doing for more than a decade. Oops! Decade??? I'm not really that old... seriously, I'm not...
Okie, now what??? That email got me all excited for days. I had to control myself from replying her too soon for fear that I'd be carried too far with all the excitement, thus forgetting to do a "sanity" check with the Lord. I need to know if this is for me! And if it isn't, I'm not going to ruin a friend's dream by pulling out halfway later on. So for now, we've agreed that we'll both spend more time praying about this little project before committing ourselves to it. If you're with me, please pray for me as well... Dear Lord, ... :)
Now, her email to me speaks of her dream to venture into a business and she wants to find out if I'm interested to be part of her dream project. Well, we seemed like a perfect combi cos she's got a creative mind whereas I'm a management person. Sounds balance, right? Not that I've got no creativity, but I've seen her works. She's got an honours degree in Creative Arts and I can only say she's really gifted! Moreover, I do get great satisfaction from managing projects and logistics stuff. That's what I've been doing for more than a decade. Oops! Decade??? I'm not really that old... seriously, I'm not...
Okie, now what??? That email got me all excited for days. I had to control myself from replying her too soon for fear that I'd be carried too far with all the excitement, thus forgetting to do a "sanity" check with the Lord. I need to know if this is for me! And if it isn't, I'm not going to ruin a friend's dream by pulling out halfway later on. So for now, we've agreed that we'll both spend more time praying about this little project before committing ourselves to it. If you're with me, please pray for me as well... Dear Lord, ... :)
Friday, November 16, 2007
Called to OR Caught in?
"Are you full time at home?" This is a pretty common question (apart from the "Are they twins?" question) which I'm most often being asked when I bring the munchkins to the nearby malls, mini marts, playground or park. I realised I get questions like that when I do so on a weekday during office hours, which most full-time working mothers wouldn't have the luxury of time.
Yes, I'm a SAHM ("Stay At Home Mom" in short). Its the 4-letter word which brings much joy to my life and yet causes me to grip with fear at times. "How long more can I remain a SAHM?" Its not a question of time. They key word in that question is can. Yes, can. You may ask "Why can't you?". Well, I've asked myself that same question many times... There are many female friends out there who are are envious of me. They wished they could be SAHM so they could spend more time with their kids, go shopping downtown on weekdays when the crowd is more manageable, take care of the house while their hubby brings home the bacon, etc.
Isn't life more than just that? Is SAHM my calling? If I'm indeed called to be a full time home maker, I pray that God will show me a sign. A sign so obvious that I'll be convinced enough to stop dreaming of getting my butt out to the field from now on. But if for some reasons I had to be caught in this situation where I have to stay where I am until God's better plan for me is revealed, I pray I'll have the patience to wait upon the LORD.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining here. I just long for a different level of job satisfaction and of course, financial independence. Not that my hubby doesn't provide enough for me to spend. But I'd certainly enjoy being able to buy that Baby Gap outfit or Jack & Lily shoes for the munchkins without getting that look on Di's face which translates into "Do you have to spend this much on the girls? They'll outgrow them in no time." Sigh... For those of you who agree with Di, you missed out one of the most enjoyable experience of being a parent. Its perfectly alright to splurge on your kids (and yourself) once in a while, and certainly more wonderful when you are able to pay out of your own pocket. It means you are "able" to provide for your loved ones (by God's grace, of course).
So, pray with me, my friends! For directions and signs... and perhaps "peace of mind" should the LORD willed that I have to remain a SAHM and keep my hands off those alluring outfits at the Gap stores. *wink*
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But her leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit." - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NKJV)
Yes, I'm a SAHM ("Stay At Home Mom" in short). Its the 4-letter word which brings much joy to my life and yet causes me to grip with fear at times. "How long more can I remain a SAHM?" Its not a question of time. They key word in that question is can. Yes, can. You may ask "Why can't you?". Well, I've asked myself that same question many times... There are many female friends out there who are are envious of me. They wished they could be SAHM so they could spend more time with their kids, go shopping downtown on weekdays when the crowd is more manageable, take care of the house while their hubby brings home the bacon, etc.
Isn't life more than just that? Is SAHM my calling? If I'm indeed called to be a full time home maker, I pray that God will show me a sign. A sign so obvious that I'll be convinced enough to stop dreaming of getting my butt out to the field from now on. But if for some reasons I had to be caught in this situation where I have to stay where I am until God's better plan for me is revealed, I pray I'll have the patience to wait upon the LORD.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining here. I just long for a different level of job satisfaction and of course, financial independence. Not that my hubby doesn't provide enough for me to spend. But I'd certainly enjoy being able to buy that Baby Gap outfit or Jack & Lily shoes for the munchkins without getting that look on Di's face which translates into "Do you have to spend this much on the girls? They'll outgrow them in no time." Sigh... For those of you who agree with Di, you missed out one of the most enjoyable experience of being a parent. Its perfectly alright to splurge on your kids (and yourself) once in a while, and certainly more wonderful when you are able to pay out of your own pocket. It means you are "able" to provide for your loved ones (by God's grace, of course).
So, pray with me, my friends! For directions and signs... and perhaps "peace of mind" should the LORD willed that I have to remain a SAHM and keep my hands off those alluring outfits at the Gap stores. *wink*
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But her leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit." - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NKJV)
Friday, November 2, 2007
Sleep Deprivation
31st October (Halloween!!!) marks the start of the first night (after 12 long months) the munchkins share the same bedroom for bedtime. Why were they separated for 12 long months at bedtime? Because En is a light sleeper, thanks to mommy's genes, and she was deprived of a good night sleep whenever Xuan shares the same cot as her. That was when they were both small enough to fit one cot. We weigh the pros & cons then and decided to separate them at bedtime when they were 6 weeks old. By doing that, everyone (including the adults) gets to keep their eyelids shut for at least a straight 4-6 hours per night.
Then why put them together now? Because they've both outgrown their cots!!! Not that they are so big that they could no longer fit their cots. There is simply insufficient space in their cots to satisfy their increasing need to toss & turn all over the place at night!
Now that the munchkins get their own bedroom (with Ya-Ya in there, of course), Di and I thought we could get better sleep at night without having to wake up in the wee hours to check on them. Well, we're wrong!!! Or at least I am. The "mommy" in me will just jumped off the bed and dashed to their bedroom whenever I hear a cry. And talk about better sleep indeed. I'm beginning to display signs of paranoia when I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing cries from the empty cot in my room. Arrggghhhh... Dé·jà vu! I thought I'd only behave like this when I was in confinement. Haiz... Looks like more sleep deprivation for now...
Then why put them together now? Because they've both outgrown their cots!!! Not that they are so big that they could no longer fit their cots. There is simply insufficient space in their cots to satisfy their increasing need to toss & turn all over the place at night!
Now that the munchkins get their own bedroom (with Ya-Ya in there, of course), Di and I thought we could get better sleep at night without having to wake up in the wee hours to check on them. Well, we're wrong!!! Or at least I am. The "mommy" in me will just jumped off the bed and dashed to their bedroom whenever I hear a cry. And talk about better sleep indeed. I'm beginning to display signs of paranoia when I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing cries from the empty cot in my room. Arrggghhhh... Dé·jà vu! I thought I'd only behave like this when I was in confinement. Haiz... Looks like more sleep deprivation for now...
Friday, October 26, 2007
Totally Exhausted
2 weeks past by without me even noticing it... Come to think of it, I celebrated my own birthday exactly a week ago. Haiz... I've been zombie-fied since the day En fell sick and I'm totally exhausted due to the countless sleepless night after Xuan got the flu bug as well. The 2 grouchy munchkins never give us any chance to rest. Hence, my backache also started acting up as they demanded to be carried often.
Now that En has recovered, we are glad to be getting a little more rest than before. Though Xuan still requires 7 hourly feeding on her medication, she kind of resign herself to fate when she sees those colourful fluids in the syringes. I'm glad we longer live in the war zone and could happily declare code red cessation.
That being said, En seemed to be having some issues with her premolars emerging, hence a wee little crankier than usual. I hope it doesn't spell another wave of trouble. Praying for a more relaxed weekend ahead, especially when Ya-Ya (means caregiver in Tagalog. Or in this case, the name our twins would identify our FDW) goes for her monthly break this Sunday. (Oh, no...)
I emailed the munchkins birthday pix (which I updated in shutterfly e-photo albums) a couple of days ago to family and friends. Someone actually ask if baby no. 3 is in the master plan since the twins have now turned one. No. 3??? That's been the million dollar question which Di and I pondered for a long time. I looked at Di, with huge eye bags and panda eyes, lying asleep on the couch cos he's too tired to even move himself to the bed. And then the thought of walking the sick, cranky munchkins along the common corridor from 2am - 4am the other night (I can't even remember which night!!!) came to mind. Plus those shoulder and backaches I'm enduring now... These signs and symptoms are obvious answers to the million dollar question - NO.
Kudos to parents out there who are managing 2 kids or more, especially if they are multiples. You deserve a big hug!!! And more importantly, a break...
Now that En has recovered, we are glad to be getting a little more rest than before. Though Xuan still requires 7 hourly feeding on her medication, she kind of resign herself to fate when she sees those colourful fluids in the syringes. I'm glad we longer live in the war zone and could happily declare code red cessation.
That being said, En seemed to be having some issues with her premolars emerging, hence a wee little crankier than usual. I hope it doesn't spell another wave of trouble. Praying for a more relaxed weekend ahead, especially when Ya-Ya (means caregiver in Tagalog. Or in this case, the name our twins would identify our FDW) goes for her monthly break this Sunday. (Oh, no...)
I emailed the munchkins birthday pix (which I updated in shutterfly e-photo albums) a couple of days ago to family and friends. Someone actually ask if baby no. 3 is in the master plan since the twins have now turned one. No. 3??? That's been the million dollar question which Di and I pondered for a long time. I looked at Di, with huge eye bags and panda eyes, lying asleep on the couch cos he's too tired to even move himself to the bed. And then the thought of walking the sick, cranky munchkins along the common corridor from 2am - 4am the other night (I can't even remember which night!!!) came to mind. Plus those shoulder and backaches I'm enduring now... These signs and symptoms are obvious answers to the million dollar question - NO.
Kudos to parents out there who are managing 2 kids or more, especially if they are multiples. You deserve a big hug!!! And more importantly, a break...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Cold & Cough Season
The munchkins turned one last weekend. A few days after their birthday party, they fell ill. Its the arrival of the all parents' most hated season - the Cold & Cough Season. En is down with fever, flu & cough while Xuan started displaying symptoms as well. We know its a matter of time Xuan will end up like En too. After all, they share everything they can get their hands on. Even if I were to quarantine Xuan, I bet its too late by now. :(
Now, the most challenging moment of the day is medicine feeding time. You can almost see a good wrestling game whenever the syringe with colourful fluid in it is brought in front of the girls. Sometimes, I just wish I could inject the syringes right into their butt instead of feeding through their mouth. You may think I'm insane to bear such thoughts. But wait... I suggest you hold your comments until you are in my shoes. There are 4 syringes (namely for fever, cold, cold and phlegm) for each of them and 3 feeds per day. That means you have to successfully inject 24 syringes a day into 2 vigorously struggling kiddos. How's that sound?
In addition, they'll get cranky in the day due to the fever and runny nose. You'll have to keep sponging them to keep their head & body temperature down. That means more struggling as they keep on pushing you away. Putting that ThermoScan ear thermometer into their ears to measure their temperature is also no walk in the park. Even the doctors at the clinic had difficulty taking their temperature with that same Braun ThermoScan, so I count myself blessed whenever I managed to take a decent reading.
The numerous times we had to wake up to comfort them in the middle of the night is also driving us crazy. I'm just totally zombie-fied. Even as I'm writing now, I have totally no recollection of what happened yesterday. All that's imprinted on my pea brain is the "eensy weensy spider" song which I kept singing over and over again when I cradled my cranky child last night...
I looking forward to a better week ahead... That is provided Xuan's condition doesn't get worse... Enjoy parenthood? Indeed... *Yawn* ZZZzzzzz....
Now, the most challenging moment of the day is medicine feeding time. You can almost see a good wrestling game whenever the syringe with colourful fluid in it is brought in front of the girls. Sometimes, I just wish I could inject the syringes right into their butt instead of feeding through their mouth. You may think I'm insane to bear such thoughts. But wait... I suggest you hold your comments until you are in my shoes. There are 4 syringes (namely for fever, cold, cold and phlegm) for each of them and 3 feeds per day. That means you have to successfully inject 24 syringes a day into 2 vigorously struggling kiddos. How's that sound?
In addition, they'll get cranky in the day due to the fever and runny nose. You'll have to keep sponging them to keep their head & body temperature down. That means more struggling as they keep on pushing you away. Putting that ThermoScan ear thermometer into their ears to measure their temperature is also no walk in the park. Even the doctors at the clinic had difficulty taking their temperature with that same Braun ThermoScan, so I count myself blessed whenever I managed to take a decent reading.
The numerous times we had to wake up to comfort them in the middle of the night is also driving us crazy. I'm just totally zombie-fied. Even as I'm writing now, I have totally no recollection of what happened yesterday. All that's imprinted on my pea brain is the "eensy weensy spider" song which I kept singing over and over again when I cradled my cranky child last night...
I looking forward to a better week ahead... That is provided Xuan's condition doesn't get worse... Enjoy parenthood? Indeed... *Yawn* ZZZzzzzz....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Parenting
Parenting is defined as "the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children" by the Random House Unabridged Dictionary. In my childhood days, I bet my parents knew nothing about parenting. Dad's main concern would be bringing home the bacon while mom manages the household and the kids (4 of us to be exact). Did they apply any special methods or techniques? I asked my dad and he said "No lah!. What We just let you girls be. I think kids those days were not half as smart as kids today."
But look, my parent raised 4 great (yes, great! Hee...) children who turned out happy and healthy today. In fact, dad had to single-parent us when mom passed away 14 years back. So what's the problem with parenting or parents today? Why can't we be like my parents who let our kids be (in terms of play and having fun) and yet have faith that these kids will turn out decent??? It seriously got me thinking...
Then while having a chat with a friend via SMS one night on the topic of parenting, he mentioned his wife and him are currently leading a group of parents (both young and old) in church in a workshop entitled "Effective Parenting... In a Defective World" (a course series by Chip Ingram. Go to http://www.lote.org/ for more details). Reading the notes he emailed me brought so much insight into the parenting arena which has never crossed my mind. Well, if parental love and concern for their children had always remained the same, ceteris paribus, we can almost be certain that it is the society we lived in today that has cause parenting to change.
Well, parenting doesn't sound like fun to me now, though I actually thought it was so a few months back. Perhaps I'm starting to believe in the kiasu-nazis who so often stressed on giving the best to your child. I knew of quite a few moms who belonged to this nazis group as they buy only the best clothings/shoes and send their kids to the best childcare, playgroup or enrichment classes.
Nevertheless, I came to my senses. I looked into my gals' closet and found apparels from Baby Gap, Baby Guess, Baby B'gosh, Pumpkin Patch, Mothercare, Elle and Old Navy. They even received Nike shoes for their coming 1st birthday. I'm certain they are extremely well clothed and fed. After all, I gave them organic cereal! Hee... Our "best" may not meet the world's standard of The Best, but it is what Di and I can best offer them. This underlining principle is probably the same as what my parents had when were little. With this understanding, Di and I will do our best in parenting them while God will do the rest. On top of all the material provision, my best gift to them is prayer. And one day, they will learn to pray for themselves too. ^.^
But look, my parent raised 4 great (yes, great! Hee...) children who turned out happy and healthy today. In fact, dad had to single-parent us when mom passed away 14 years back. So what's the problem with parenting or parents today? Why can't we be like my parents who let our kids be (in terms of play and having fun) and yet have faith that these kids will turn out decent??? It seriously got me thinking...
Then while having a chat with a friend via SMS one night on the topic of parenting, he mentioned his wife and him are currently leading a group of parents (both young and old) in church in a workshop entitled "Effective Parenting... In a Defective World" (a course series by Chip Ingram. Go to http://www.lote.org/ for more details). Reading the notes he emailed me brought so much insight into the parenting arena which has never crossed my mind. Well, if parental love and concern for their children had always remained the same, ceteris paribus, we can almost be certain that it is the society we lived in today that has cause parenting to change.
Well, parenting doesn't sound like fun to me now, though I actually thought it was so a few months back. Perhaps I'm starting to believe in the kiasu-nazis who so often stressed on giving the best to your child. I knew of quite a few moms who belonged to this nazis group as they buy only the best clothings/shoes and send their kids to the best childcare, playgroup or enrichment classes.
Nevertheless, I came to my senses. I looked into my gals' closet and found apparels from Baby Gap, Baby Guess, Baby B'gosh, Pumpkin Patch, Mothercare, Elle and Old Navy. They even received Nike shoes for their coming 1st birthday. I'm certain they are extremely well clothed and fed. After all, I gave them organic cereal! Hee... Our "best" may not meet the world's standard of The Best, but it is what Di and I can best offer them. This underlining principle is probably the same as what my parents had when were little. With this understanding, Di and I will do our best in parenting them while God will do the rest. On top of all the material provision, my best gift to them is prayer. And one day, they will learn to pray for themselves too. ^.^
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
SEVEN
What comes to mind when you hear of the number seven? Seven deadly sins??? Or the Seventh Year Itch/Craving (七年之痒)???
Hee... Well, today marks the seventh wedding anniversary for Di and I. With the 2 munchkins with us this year, we took a break from our usual celebration of having "dinner accompanied by little thoughtful gifts". Anyway, what kind of celebration will one crave for when you're down with cold/cough for the past 2 days???
This morning, a semi-comatose me woke up later than usual due to the effects of my flu/cough medication. A sweet SMS from Di saying "Happy 7th Anniversary" greeted me when I switched on my little black gadget, fondly known as 小黑. What a way to start the day! I managed to breeze through the day, feeling some what lethargic from the after effects of my medication. My FDW had been a great help for she had to battle the munchkins alone. Later in the evening, Di came home and to my delight, he brought goodies for me. Nothing special for our anniversary, but something he'd like to share with me - Goodwood Park Hotel's signature snowskin durian and jackfruit mooncakes! Hee... "Glutton" is one of the seven deadly sins!!! But I love the mooncakes despite my swollen throat. Surely I can be forgiven for my indulgence on this special day? ^.^
Some may ask "So that's all for your wedding anniversary celebration?", or say to us "Don't get complacent and forget your romance after the kids arrived!" Nah, no worries! We haven't. We are still deciding on the date to leave our munchkins and FDW with my dad/sisters, while Di and I dine in peace, savouring fresh sashimi and gratifying our hunger for the many other Japanese cuisine we so missed.
いただきます... *Slurp*
Hee... Well, today marks the seventh wedding anniversary for Di and I. With the 2 munchkins with us this year, we took a break from our usual celebration of having "dinner accompanied by little thoughtful gifts". Anyway, what kind of celebration will one crave for when you're down with cold/cough for the past 2 days???
This morning, a semi-comatose me woke up later than usual due to the effects of my flu/cough medication. A sweet SMS from Di saying "Happy 7th Anniversary" greeted me when I switched on my little black gadget, fondly known as 小黑. What a way to start the day! I managed to breeze through the day, feeling some what lethargic from the after effects of my medication. My FDW had been a great help for she had to battle the munchkins alone. Later in the evening, Di came home and to my delight, he brought goodies for me. Nothing special for our anniversary, but something he'd like to share with me - Goodwood Park Hotel's signature snowskin durian and jackfruit mooncakes! Hee... "Glutton" is one of the seven deadly sins!!! But I love the mooncakes despite my swollen throat. Surely I can be forgiven for my indulgence on this special day? ^.^
Some may ask "So that's all for your wedding anniversary celebration?", or say to us "Don't get complacent and forget your romance after the kids arrived!" Nah, no worries! We haven't. We are still deciding on the date to leave our munchkins and FDW with my dad/sisters, while Di and I dine in peace, savouring fresh sashimi and gratifying our hunger for the many other Japanese cuisine we so missed.
いただきます... *Slurp*
Recovery
A week had past... Time flies, indeed. And Ning had delivered her child last weekend. She also replied my SMS to let me know she's feeling fine and recovering well. I thank God for that. And I know God knows how it feels to have a loved one taken away. HE's been there too some 2000 years back.
"On the day when Heaven cry,
The sky was torn apart,
And its tears became the falling rain,
That flows from Heaven's broken heart."
I am reminded of the chorus of this song I used to love singing every Easter. Its from a children musical called"The Boy Who Believed". I've tried searching for the disc but to no success to date. Yet every time I ask God the question "why", HE will bring to mind this song and it puts me to shame.
But I am only human, I'll think to myself. So on top of my quiet time with God, the human side of me felt the need to verbalise my feelings through communication with a mortal being. I waited for Ling (one of us in our clique of 4) to touch down from her holiday trip on Sunday and shared with her. We both cried but well, you can't deny the female species of their rights to tear. It definitely made us feel better. For now, we'll just look forward to meeting Ning when she has recovered, and hopefully we don't have to wait too long...
"On the day when Heaven cry,
The sky was torn apart,
And its tears became the falling rain,
That flows from Heaven's broken heart."
I am reminded of the chorus of this song I used to love singing every Easter. Its from a children musical called"The Boy Who Believed". I've tried searching for the disc but to no success to date. Yet every time I ask God the question "why", HE will bring to mind this song and it puts me to shame.
But I am only human, I'll think to myself. So on top of my quiet time with God, the human side of me felt the need to verbalise my feelings through communication with a mortal being. I waited for Ling (one of us in our clique of 4) to touch down from her holiday trip on Sunday and shared with her. We both cried but well, you can't deny the female species of their rights to tear. It definitely made us feel better. For now, we'll just look forward to meeting Ning when she has recovered, and hopefully we don't have to wait too long...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Utterly Despondent
I was pretty emotional when I read about Ashley (see my previous blog or http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/) and that same melancholy mood came back on Sunday when the story of Ashley was published in the Straits Times' Life section.
Then today, tears rolled again... For at least an hour or so, I couldn't come to terms with God. Ning, one of my best friends, is 4 months pregnant with the child she and her husband so longed for. About 2 weeks back, she turned down an invitation to lunch together. Reason was her family was going through prayer and fasting for her unborn child, who had been diagnosed with "developmental issues". She was scheduled to have her medical review this morning at the gynae's clinic at the mall near my place. Well, God had it all planned and you guessed it! I ran into the couple when I was at the mall buying lunch.
There was no good news. The decision will be a painful one and Ning is devastated. We hugged and sobbed uncontrollably outside the gynae's clinic, ignoring the congregation of fathers-to-be loitering around the vicinity. I felt utterly disappointed, not exactly with God, but with the outcome. But I'm really thankful she's got a really strong and supportive husband, though I knew he's grieving too. He stood there calm, with redden eyes. And he told us to wait for him down the mall while he settles the paperwork at the clinic.
Grieving is a long process. Ning and her hubby needed time to face their grief, hurts or even anger. And I can't imagine Ning having to face this "grieve" when they speak to their pastor, break the news to their parents, colleagues, etc. Then she still has the delivery process to go through. Reality will hit her right on her face many times fiercely and mercilessly. I hated that thought...
Guess for the next couple of days, I'll still be feeling downcast, though deep down inside me, I knew it'll all come to pass.
Then today, tears rolled again... For at least an hour or so, I couldn't come to terms with God. Ning, one of my best friends, is 4 months pregnant with the child she and her husband so longed for. About 2 weeks back, she turned down an invitation to lunch together. Reason was her family was going through prayer and fasting for her unborn child, who had been diagnosed with "developmental issues". She was scheduled to have her medical review this morning at the gynae's clinic at the mall near my place. Well, God had it all planned and you guessed it! I ran into the couple when I was at the mall buying lunch.
There was no good news. The decision will be a painful one and Ning is devastated. We hugged and sobbed uncontrollably outside the gynae's clinic, ignoring the congregation of fathers-to-be loitering around the vicinity. I felt utterly disappointed, not exactly with God, but with the outcome. But I'm really thankful she's got a really strong and supportive husband, though I knew he's grieving too. He stood there calm, with redden eyes. And he told us to wait for him down the mall while he settles the paperwork at the clinic.
Grieving is a long process. Ning and her hubby needed time to face their grief, hurts or even anger. And I can't imagine Ning having to face this "grieve" when they speak to their pastor, break the news to their parents, colleagues, etc. Then she still has the delivery process to go through. Reality will hit her right on her face many times fiercely and mercilessly. I hated that thought...
Guess for the next couple of days, I'll still be feeling downcast, though deep down inside me, I knew it'll all come to pass.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Birth Mark
Many people asked if there are any birth marks on my munchkins to differentiate them. As a matter of fact, Xuan has a small grey one on her left arm. En has strawberry veins (known as strawberry hemangioma in medical terms) on her left wrist which has faded very substantially over the months. We believe it'll disappear in no time. As for Xuan, her birth mark may fade someday or perhaps lighten as she grows older.
Here's a pix of En's fading strawberry veins at 4 month and now.
But, me too has a permanent mark resulting from the birth of my bundle of joy. And contrary to that of my little ones, mine grew quite substantially and its color darken over the months. It has a name - one which I prefer not to have known - KELOID.
Alas... After months of wishing it would disappear totally, then praying hard it would subside a little and finally hoping it would at least be less obvious, I now resigned myself to "fate". Or should I say I've been consoling myself by claiming it as "a daily reminder of my munchkins' glorious entry from my womb right into my arms". Hahaha...
Anyway, I took a photo of it since I consider it a souvenir of that victorious night I delivered my twins who were carried to term. There you go...
Above is an obscure little pix which I'd like to label it "Parental Guidance" recommended for all viewers below 12 years of age. ^.^ In case you can't read the fine prints on the pix, it says "Keloid measures 13.5cm (approx. 5.5 inches)".
I'm not sure if the kids will appreciate this pix when they chanced upon it later on in life. But I know Di does. And that's good enough...
Here's a pix of En's fading strawberry veins at 4 month and now.
But, me too has a permanent mark resulting from the birth of my bundle of joy. And contrary to that of my little ones, mine grew quite substantially and its color darken over the months. It has a name - one which I prefer not to have known - KELOID.
Alas... After months of wishing it would disappear totally, then praying hard it would subside a little and finally hoping it would at least be less obvious, I now resigned myself to "fate". Or should I say I've been consoling myself by claiming it as "a daily reminder of my munchkins' glorious entry from my womb right into my arms". Hahaha...
Anyway, I took a photo of it since I consider it a souvenir of that victorious night I delivered my twins who were carried to term. There you go...
Above is an obscure little pix which I'd like to label it "Parental Guidance" recommended for all viewers below 12 years of age. ^.^ In case you can't read the fine prints on the pix, it says "Keloid measures 13.5cm (approx. 5.5 inches)".
I'm not sure if the kids will appreciate this pix when they chanced upon it later on in life. But I know Di does. And that's good enough...
Monday, September 3, 2007
Above All Else
The following is the lyrics to a song called "Above All Else". The words were written by Stormie Omartian (author of "The Power of A Praying Parent") and sang by Debby Boone. And I totally agree when she said the words summed up what is in every believing parent's heart. If you are a believing parent, I'm sure you'll agree with me too...
So much to say and just a lifetime left to say it.
How quickly time passes.
If I had my way, I'd keep you safe within my arms
While the storm of life crashes.
I won't always be with you, my child,
But words I can give.
When the winds of hope are dying down,
These words will live.
Above all else, know God's the One who'll never leave you.
Look to Him above all else.
He is love you can depend upon, a heart set to care.
If in the darkest night you should be lost, He will be there.
He’s the Everlasting Father,
In His hands you’ll never fall.
He’s the One who holds it all,
Above all else.
He’s the Author of your laughter,
He’s the Keeper of your tears,
He’s the One who you must fear
Above all else.
He’s the Giver of the kingdom
Bought for you right from the start,
And He’ll ask you for your heart
Above all else.
So much to say
And not enough time left to say it.
Just love the Lord
Above all else.
So much to say and just a lifetime left to say it.
How quickly time passes.
If I had my way, I'd keep you safe within my arms
While the storm of life crashes.
I won't always be with you, my child,
But words I can give.
When the winds of hope are dying down,
These words will live.
Above all else, know God's the One who'll never leave you.
Look to Him above all else.
He is love you can depend upon, a heart set to care.
If in the darkest night you should be lost, He will be there.
He’s the Everlasting Father,
In His hands you’ll never fall.
He’s the One who holds it all,
Above all else.
He’s the Author of your laughter,
He’s the Keeper of your tears,
He’s the One who you must fear
Above all else.
He’s the Giver of the kingdom
Bought for you right from the start,
And He’ll ask you for your heart
Above all else.
So much to say
And not enough time left to say it.
Just love the Lord
Above all else.
The Guilt Demon
How often have we done something to our kids in a fit of anger and then felt guilty about? I guess its quite a common thing among parents today. I, for one, am guilty of raising my voice or losing my patience with my munchkins quite frequently. Nevertheless, that sentiment of guilt slips away as quickly as it comes.
Yet for the past 2 days, Di had been tormented by the guilt demon. At my in-laws' place on Saturday, all was fine when En was having her evening bath while Xuan was napping. Then Di heard Xuan wailing in the bedroom down the corridor. Thoughts like "did she fell off the 6-inches thick mattress?" or "is she scared because she woke up alone in an unfamiliar bedroom?" raced through his mind. He had no time to ponder the situation. He just need to rescue his princess! So he ran towards the room, push open the bedroom door... only to hit against an "obstacle" behind the door... his own flesh and blood!
Xuan was petrified, her head shaking and she sobbed uncontrollably in fear and pain. Di was so overwhelmed, he couldn't recall how he had to push the door inwards wide enough for his gigantic body to enter into the room to cuddle his fear/pain stricken child. From that moment onwards, the demon took control till now.
Despite assurance from everyone that Xuan seemed alright and unhurt (except for a redden cheek which is probably the area hit by the door), the demon stood firm in Di. It was pure accident but the impact was so great, I guess he'll remember it for life. I just pray the demon will walk out of Di in no time.
As for Xuan, she's happily watching her favourite Sesame Street VCD now as I type, occasionally making sounds like "ya-ya", "hee", "eh...", clapping her hands and chuckles a lot. I can't thank the Lord enough for preserving her. Amen!
Yet for the past 2 days, Di had been tormented by the guilt demon. At my in-laws' place on Saturday, all was fine when En was having her evening bath while Xuan was napping. Then Di heard Xuan wailing in the bedroom down the corridor. Thoughts like "did she fell off the 6-inches thick mattress?" or "is she scared because she woke up alone in an unfamiliar bedroom?" raced through his mind. He had no time to ponder the situation. He just need to rescue his princess! So he ran towards the room, push open the bedroom door... only to hit against an "obstacle" behind the door... his own flesh and blood!
Xuan was petrified, her head shaking and she sobbed uncontrollably in fear and pain. Di was so overwhelmed, he couldn't recall how he had to push the door inwards wide enough for his gigantic body to enter into the room to cuddle his fear/pain stricken child. From that moment onwards, the demon took control till now.
Despite assurance from everyone that Xuan seemed alright and unhurt (except for a redden cheek which is probably the area hit by the door), the demon stood firm in Di. It was pure accident but the impact was so great, I guess he'll remember it for life. I just pray the demon will walk out of Di in no time.
As for Xuan, she's happily watching her favourite Sesame Street VCD now as I type, occasionally making sounds like "ya-ya", "hee", "eh...", clapping her hands and chuckles a lot. I can't thank the Lord enough for preserving her. Amen!
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