Speech

Further to my previous post on the munchkins' effort to go independent, I must add that another factor which contributes to the daily frustration is their inability to communicate. Even Di attributed their recent emotional intensity to speech delay. This is probably the only milestone which they've yet to achieve at 18 months. While they are able to signal their needs by pointing and making sounds, or even say words like "come" (when they signal to pets or birds to come to them) or "up" as they climb the stairs, they are still generally babbling throughout the day. In most cases, it is En and Xuan who gets really upset when Ya-Ya and me couldn't deliver their needs and wants.

And although I'm quite OK with them not speaking or even calling me "mommy", I get really pissed off (forgive my language here but I seriously cannot help it) when others show their "concern" over this issue. Especially those "well meaning" neighbours who react in "great horror" as if I said my girls are dumb, or bragged endlessly about their grandchildren who started addressing them "po po" at 14 months. There are times when you feel like replying "Oh, your grandson started talking at 14 months? Does that make him a lawyer?" when I knew exactly the grandson she's referring to is that 16 month old brat yelling at her. But I've decided not to lower myself to their level cos there are so many issues we could argue about. And there are also nosy parkers who won't stop giving uninvited "tips" on how to make the munchkins talk or potty train them. You can imagine how many times I had to hold back remarks like "I can afford disposable diapers, you know? Not just those cheap diapers. We use MamyPoko Pull Up Pants!" @#$%^&*!!!

Okie, let's ignore those EQ-deficient folks and look at the brighter side. I must give my munchkins credit for having more or less achieved all the necessary milestones at 18 months. Their first tooth emerges at the 5th month, they master the act of rolling over at 4 months (En) & 4.5 months (Xuan), sit steadily without support when they turn 6 months, stand without support at 10 months (Xuan) and 11 months (En), followed by their first steps at 11 months (Xuan) and 12.5 months (En). Thereafter, they proceed to run, sorts simple objects by shapes, pick up tiny objects with thumb and index finger, negotiate the stairs, imitates demonstrations, scribbles, stack blocks, etc. Of late, they've also started to self feed using a spoon and even manage to take off an article of clothing (shorts or sleeveless tops).

So, look! So what if they can't talk like the 16 month old brat? At least I can preserve my sanity for a few more months till they start raining questions beginning with "Why, What, Who, When, Where and How" on me. Kekeke...

Terrible Twos?

I understand most toddlers go through the "terrible twos" phase, but it didn't occur to me I could be right in IT now even though the munchkins are just 18 months old. Every passing day gets more and more challenging for both the munchkins and me as they start to embark on their journey towards independence.

We get caught in so many NO WIN situation daily when the munchkins insist on being independent at performing tasks which they aren't adequately equipped with the skills to do it yet. Its a terrible vicious cycle which goes something like this:

• They want to play the 3-D shapes sorter.
• I quietly watch them do it, knowing they lack the skills to complete sorting all the shapes.
• They get frustrated at their failure to perform, they start to whine.
• I try to comfort them and offer my help.
• They get upset because I tried to help, so they begin to wail.
• I take a step back and watch again, offering only verbal instructions.
• They recognise their inadequacy and rage at me for not helping them.
• I try to demonstrate how the shapes should be realigned in order to slip it into the box.
• They kick and scream as if I had "desecrated' the pieces of shapes.
• I retreat to a corner, take a deep breathe and pray if necessary.
• They continue to wail.
• We take a 2-4 minutes time out.
• Things return to normal and they move on to another toy.
• The whole cycle starts again...

If this is just a prelude to the "terrible twos" stage, God help me! I cannot imagine being in the actual phase. Otherwise, I pray I'll become amnesic, just like the munchkins.

Allergic Rhinitis

Brought En to the doctor yesterday as she had been coughing at night and waking up so very often. I assumed it was, you know, just dry cough but the doctor suspect otherwise. He thinks she might have sensitive windpipe, and that upsets me. Well, if you think it just concerns En, think again... She has an identical twin who shares 100% genetic makeup as her. That's what upsets me further. Haiz...

Then, my heart sank as deep as the Titanic when the wordings "Allergic Rhinitis" (AR in short) appeared on her prescribed medication. These may seemed like any normal medical terms but to me, this is a term which had been labelled on my medical records since 1993. In fact, I was once condemned to the "chronic" family and was in specialist care for 6 years. To be told my munchkins (who bears no physical resemblance to me) and I have something as such in common is nothing to rejoice about.

So is it time to stop living in denial and face the music? They are only 18 months old and they have a long way ahead of them. I will not cease to work on improving their health and respiratory system, so they won't follow in my footsteps. Had my parents been more educated about AR when I was younger, my quality of life would have been a lot better. Am I blaming my parents now? NO. They did their best, as I would for my kids. So out I went to get bottles of Eucalyptus concentrate for the air revitalisor which I had newly relocated to their bedroom. Organic cold care chest rub is also on standby every night now. I will not hesitate to take any extra care to prevent the munchkins from being part of the AR herd.

On a separate note, I'm still thankful to God that there are things I could do in this case, and having come this far with my AR condition, I knew exactly what to do with my munchkins'. Praise the Lord they are not suffering from something which I had totally no knowledge about. And I still believe in miracles. After all, they are only 1.5 years old. There is hope for complete healing anytime. Never limit what God can do.

Extract from song "When You Believe" (chorus) :
There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who know what miracle you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe.

Birthday

Its Di's birthday today. Did we plan a romantic lunch/dinner together? Nope. It was a simple fare at Di's godparents' loft - a sumptuous feast followed by ice cream and yummy durian cake from Angie The Choice. Actually, we agreed to have the mini celebration there so the grandparents could play with kiddos. How romantic, right? Well, when you have 2 active, energised, excited toddlers, you'll be very thankful to just have a decent lunch in peace while the folks and maids entertain the munchkins.

Given a choice, I'd love to have dinner at cozy restaurants (without the kids), prep gifts and surprises for him on his birthday. I won't say its impossible to do so, but I (or rather we) wouldn't want to stress any babysitters, especially when it comes to the munchkins' bedtime. Its a little bit tricky to put them to bed if you don't know their bedtime preference. Hence, we rather stick to the safer options like what we had.

Nevertheless, I had always remind myself not to put the kids' needs above Di. Cos the day will come when the munchkins will marry the man of their dream (I'm "far sighted", aren't I? Hee...) and I may get stuck with a "stranger" if I don't get my priorities right now. Its a challenge, I must admit, and I'm still working on it. But I'm sure we'll be able to get things right in time to come. Perhaps next year, Di. Or maybe my birthday at the end of this year? Kekeke...

Running on Empty

My patience is running out and my "batteries" doesn't seemed to be working... Well, I know for sure the electricity (God's grace) hasn't been cut off but I suspect its hardware (my pea brain and burned-out heart) failure this time. What to do? The hardware's been put through a series of load tests (eg. sick/cranky toddlers, killing weather, Di working OT often, etc.) recently and its beginning to not respond to standard protocol...

Patience. A very simple 8-letter word. One which many of us are familiar with because God had extend His to us so very often. Why is it so challenging to do the same to others? A very profound question which I couldn't answer (as yet).

For now, the interim solution to this hardware failure episode is application of a new programme which requires loading Psalms 103 from the good old system known as the "Bible". Perhaps executing verse 8-9 thrice a day may do the job until a permanent solution is established?

"The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever" - Psalms 103:8-9

In addition, musical therapy (practising on the guitar) is expected to help as well. Therefore, so long! Gotta go tune that guitar first... Now where did I place the tuner? And where are my scores? @#$%^&!!!

Zoo

I actually thought I'd have a lot to write about our 2nd trip to the Singapore Zoo earlier today. Turned out everything went so smoothly, I don't know what to write! Strange...

Well, we left our home at 9:30am and spent about 4 hours in the zoo, including lunch. It was more fun to be there this time because the munchkins can better appreciate the animals and the surroundings. Despite the heat, Xuan is ever so thrill to spot an animal. En, on the other hand, is her usual oh-so-calm and composed, you wonder if she actually notice the animals. Its only when she let out that soft yet firm acknowledgement "um" that we knew she's aware of what all the excitement is about. Ha!

Both kiddos knocked out by 1:30pm just 5 minutes after we embarked on our return journey. They never fail to amaze me how fast they could go into "sleep mode" when we're on outings. Well, I'm contemplating becoming a member of "Friends of the Zoo"... What do you think?

Fallen

A mommy's nightmare. I witnessed Xuan tumble down the spiral slide at the playground 2 nights ago. Can't helped but kept feeling guilty about it. I was almost certain she's steady enough to climb up those steps and glide down the slide on her own. After all, she's done it many times already.

Anyway, the moment I hold her at the bottom of the spiral slide, I almost wanted to cry myself. Her face was a concoction of tears, saliva, blood, etc. What was I thinking??? She's merely a 17 month old toddler! I felt my heart tumbled right into my stomach at that instance...

Well, she's sustained minor cuts on her lips and bruises on her left leg. Nothing serious and I'm so thankful to God for watching over her. When we went to the playground again the following evening, our dear friend was still as thrilled to see that fateful slide. Guess "severe short term memory lost" is one of those life's lessons we should learn from our kiddos. :)

Rich Yet Broke

For the past 20 months where I've been unemployed (by choice), finances were never an issue, even after the munchkins arrived. Somehow we just survived. Di's single income has to feed 5 mouths including his own. Well, there was the baby bonus from MCYS which is hardly sufficient to cover the cost of formula milk powder and the kiddos' diapers. But we made it this far by God's grace, and of course with much support from our lovely family members. Where else do you think the branded clothes, shoes and toys for different ages/phases came from? Hee... And not forgetting the fresh groceries my dad and in laws bring along to us whenever they drop by to visit the kiddos. :)

I must stressed that we're financially sound at this moment. However, just last week, that notorious "Insecurity" demon touched down quietly in the tiny, tranquil base of mine, fondly known as the "Heart". Why did I allow this demon to checked in? Its not as though our bank account had hit rock bottom. Di is, in fact, doing very well at his job, we're expecting him to receive a big bonus package this year. So why am I feeling disturbed?

Well, I did a rough calculation and our expected expenditure in 2009 is sky high! I brought the girls to check out My Little Campus, a childcare centre which I plan to enrol them in Jan 2009 (gosh, can you believe they'll be starting Nursery 1 next year?). But even before classes actually commence, we've to fork out a hefty $3K for registration, deposit, uniforms, insurance, etc. Subsequently $1K every month goes to this childcare facility. Then, in order to obtain the baby bonus in the CDA (Child Development Account), we've got to throw in $6K before MCYS would match the savings dollar to dollar. @!#$%^&

And even with the kiddos going to daycare, we're planning to extend Ya-Ya's service for another 2 years, so it all adds up. Plus there is the cost of the various immunisation/vaccination the girls had to be given prior to enrolment. How scary??!!! Erm, I mean the $ amount, not the needles...

I've friends asking if I'm keen to enrol En & Xuan in enrichment classes or even just activities in the kids gym. Well, I won't for 2 reasons. Firstly, the 4 of us (En, Xuan, Ya-Ya and me) already make up a class and a gym, so there's no demand for enrichment classes at the moment. Plus all the playdates we go to (or held at our place) is almost like E.C.A. (extra curriculum activities) in school. Hahaha... Secondly, I may be richly blessed at this moment, I wouldn't want to be deadly broke next. So I shall carefully manage our little pool of finances now until I'm back to work again, hopefully early next year.

Dear Lord, I pray we'll always be richly blessed, never broke. Amen. Kekeke...

Insurrection

Twins amount to a permanent riot? Then what about 5 pairs of twins confined to a hall of an apartment? Hahaha... Its called an insurrection, according to Mark Twain, author of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Well, last Thursday, I brought En & Xuan to a playdate involving 4 other pairs of twins. The kiddos range from 9.5 months to 17 months old, meaning En & Xuan are the oldest among the lot cos they both turned exactly 17 months that day! The entire event was a little chaotic but outrageously fun! And I think we'll do it again soon. Kekeke...

Check out the pix below!


The kiddos (clockwise from bottom pf pix):
Xuan, Cayley, Yazmin, Danial (back facing), Reyden, Reyes, Austin (blocked by his mommy), En (far back in pink), Sheau Min and Sheau Kai (blocked by his granny).

Like what you see above? Think twins are fun? Well, think again... Triplets or quads can be entertaining too! Hahaha! Just kidding!!!

"Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you're in your right mind, don't pray for twins. twins amount to a permanent riot. And there are no real difference between having triplets and an insurrection." - Mark Twain (1879)

Breathe My Last?

A very bad Monday morning to start the week off. Xuan woke up crying at 5:30am. Ya-Ya was unable to pacify her, so I carried her out of her bedroom. Well, she did quiet down upon hearing my voice and that was great consolation. I left her to play on her own after Ya-Ya refreshes herself and keep watch over her.

At 7:30am, I got off the bed, refreshes myself to start my "official" duties. Its almost the same routine everyday, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year. The kiddos and Ya-Ya would have had their breakfast by now. So I'll proceed to have a bite and watch CNA while keeping an eye on the kiddos. Ya-Ya showers them around 8:30am (I'll do it occasionally) and they'll get their morning milk feed by 9-9:30am, after which Ya-Ya will take care of the household chores while I toddler-sit. But you know what? Once the munchkins' tummies are filled, that's when they gather enough energy to RR&R, aka run around the house, ransack every corner and ruin my day...

Until 11:30am this morning, both of them were fighting over the same book, the same pen, the same stool when there were many other (and better) alternatives available. They were also getting on my nerves by squeezing themselves through tiny paths between the couch and the window, then finding themselves stuck behind the standing lamp next to the couch and couldn't figure their way out. @!#$%^&* To make it worse, on and off, when En shows signs of sleepiness, I'd just go with the flow and gave her a little pat to help her drift off to sleep. Then midway, our dear little Xuan would drop something with a loud bang, release a laughter or chuckle right at En's face!!! With that, En becomes wide awake and the cycle starts all over again...

I had to take countless deep breaths. No point adding on to the tension by yelling at them, I'd reasoned to myself. I'd ignore them by reading magazines. It worked for a while cos they'd quiet down when no one's giving them any attention. But soon enough, they'll venture into other annoying acts which were capable of driving me insane. I even had to urge to strangle Sesame Street's Elmo whose usually cute voice sounded extremely irritating this morning amidst the chaos.

For a while, I thought I'm going to breathe my last. I could almost see myself six feet underground. I thank God for giving me life and life more "abundantly"!!! Why, God, why??? Why me??? Why twins? Why not a singleton? Such irony!

For my female comrades out there who are desperately trying to conceive, I know you'll be cursing and swearing at me as you read the above. But trust me, you'll feel the same too if you had been in my shoes! Allow me to ventilate, at least for now, for I may not have another chance to do so. Who knows when I'll seriously breathe my last? But then seriously, I know that day will not arrive so soon. At least not today, tomorrow, another week, another month or another year to come. I suppose my Lord wouldn't want me Home so soon for I, too, am capable of annoying Him as such as my kiddos annoy me. Hahaha...

"... I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." - John 10:10 NKJV

Fever

En's fever started on 15 Feb. And she's still running a temperature on/off even as I'm typing now. From my record, there were 11 times when her body temperature rise above 38 °C, of which 4 were above 39°C.

For the past week, I was sleepless despite being mentally drained and physically exhausted. This is especially so whenever I measures her temperature in the wee hours of the morning and it doesn't look good. Her temperature rises each time her medication wears off. I nearly broke down one morning when the Braun ThermoScan displays a cruel reading of 39.3°C.

I'm overwhelmed with guilt and heartache. There's a mental tug of war going on in that pea brain of mine. What if her brain gets "cooked" if I don't send her to hospital now? But what if she's OK yet I chose to send her to the hospital,; and she ended having IV needles inserted through her tiny veins, gets terrorised by nursing staff who'll inject antibiotics into her every 4 hours, blah, blah, blah... But then again, if I don't send her now, then... ??? And the struggle goes on... The reality of motherhood, I guess. :(

In the midst of all the chaos, I remember my mom whom I had never thank her for her unfailing love and care for me when I was a child. Among my siblings, I'm most guilty of putting that frown on her face when I suffered injuries here and there when I was young. I don't know how much it must have pained her heart to see me get hurt. Only memories of her telling me off for being so careless. Looking back, those must be words of love and concern.

And mom's right. She used to say "You'll understand how a parent feel when you become one." And I'd say better not become one if you're "not prepared" to understand how tough parenting is. Well, gotta go now. Time to take another temperature reading on En.

Gathering

Happy Valentine's Day! Its been quite a while since my last posting. Time is a luxury to me nowadays as I spent 90% of my time interacting, playing with and of course, disciplining the kids. Whatever's left is only enough for a refreshing shower or coffee break. Sigh...

The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...

But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)

So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*

'Tis the Season to be "Sleepy"

Christmas and the New Year went by and before we know it, we're just a mere 16 days away from the Lunar Chinese New Year! Amidst the festive preparation (actually its just spring cleaning the house and shopping for new clothes), the tooth fairy and flu bug caught up with En and Xuan respectively. 6 emerging teeth and an ever runny nose, my gosh!!! So there goes my festive mood again...

When a child is not well, everyone around him/her gets busy attending to his/her needs. When you have twins or multiples, its more like engaging in a guerrilla warfare when the kids are unwell at the same time. Surprise raids take place once every 30 minutes after midnight. And that ear piercing, screeching sound of your teething toddler wailing "out of the blue" just makes you want to duck under your blanket forever.

Sleep deprivation is driving me insane. Forget new clothes, grooming, visitation plans, gatherings, etc. All I want for this festive season is my 2 hours of sleep...

New year... new life?

Had a good time watching fireworks set off from across the straits of Johor last night (or rather, early this morning). And yes, not forgetting the beautiful honking sound from the ships berthing in nearby shipyards or sailing along the straits. This is the one thing that has never change (ever since we moved into this new apartment in 2005) when the clock strikes twelve, ushering in a brand new year. I just love that quiet "commotion" as the chilly breeze brushes across my cheeks in the first moments of 1 January.

Going to bed, I prayed that life would be more exciting and enriching in 2008. And boy! I was right! 4 hours later at 4:05am, my dear En started getting whiny in the wee hours. The culprit - her emerging molars. Oh, how I hate infant teething!!! While Ya-Ya tries her best to pacify En, Di and I head to the kids' room to ensure Xuan is not affected by the scene. Thank God Xuan managed to return to dreamland unassisted.

En, on the other hand, just couldn't settle down. I went up to the cranky gal who is obviously tired. Ya-Ya had to keep changing position when cradling her, but failed miserably. "En, mommy's here. Try to orh-orh, ya?" Upon hearing my voice, she quiet down... 30 seconds later, her whining starts again. I signal to Ya-Ya to pass the poor gal to me. As usual, in my "half-dead" (sleepy) mode, I started singing nursery rhymes, followed by hymns & choruses when my "engine" (vocal chords) warms up. A good 10 minutes later, En knocked out. What a great relieve for Ya-Ya, Di and I. ^.^

But our joy was short lived. En woke up again at 5:55am. We reckoned the discomfort or pain from her emerging molars must be rather unbearable. Paracetamol was administered, and the gal was smiley at last. But the first ray of sunlight had also emerged by the time things settled down. With that, we said "Hola" to new year's day.

New life in a new year? Nah... Looks like things will pretty much remain the same for now. But we sure look forward to more challenges ahead. And for me, personally, I hope to be able to say of the same as Rick Warren in his "Call to Radical Commitment".

"When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. ...

... To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever, and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway.

Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes!"

Blessed 2008

Every year, on this very last day of the year, three words will automatically pop up in my mind - New Year Resolution. Do I have one? Do I need one? I think my resolution for the new year is probably to be "resolute about not having a resolution". Kekeke...

To be honest, I really don't think I can keep to any resolution with my current 24/7 stay-at-home-mom status. The munchkins are developing at such speedy pace, I can hardly keep with them, let alone resolutions. Sometimes I seriously doubt my ability to nurture them, given my impatience. But then again, I know I shouldn't think or feel this way. After all, there's a saying which goes "You're not what you think you are, but what you think, you are." Did you get that? So I think my goal in the coming year is to think more godly thoughts, keep my spirit alive and see the fruits developed in me and my loved ones' lives.

For a closure to the year, here's a greeting from En & Xuan, wishing everyone a blessed 2008. God bless!

Reminiscence

I attended my secondary school's symphony band's 40th anniversary concert last night with much anticipation. Oh yes, I was once a member of a symphony band. I know, I know... Some of you just couldn't believe it, right? One of my girlfriends rang me on my mobile when I was sipping coffee at the IKEA Cafe prior to the concert. When I told her I'm going for the concert to support my peers from the alumni band, she went "You were from the band? You mean you can play a musical instrument apart from the guitar?"

Haiz... "Do I really look that 'uncultured' to you?" I asked. She burst into laughter and explained that back in Hong Kong (she's a Hong Konger), being able to play a musical instrument is quite a luxury during her school days. Not many schools could afford to have a band as an extra curriculum activity in the first place. Hence, she's surprised we (Singaporeans) had such privileged lifestyle.

Yes, I was indeed a privileged teenager. But apart from feeling grateful I had the chance to get involved in music (I was a percussionist), I was also thankful for the discipline I received in the uniform group as well as the opportunity to "get wild" during those days. Midway through the concert, my mind was filled with reminiscences of past gaiety. Lyn, my girlfriend for the past 22 years and team mate in the band, laughed so loudly when the slide show on "40 years of the symphony band" was shown. Indeed, we couldn't believe we looked so silly then in our uniform. Yet, we can't helped but missed those good, old days. We almost cried when a photograph of the band taken with the then president Dr Wee Kim Wee at the Istana was flashed. We were in it!!! Oh, memories of those youthful days just kept pouring in! In addition, every piece of music played never fail to trigger that sweet longing for those fun filled days. Looking at Lyn, I knew she felt the same - we were swept down memory lane...

We sneaked to the backstage during the interval in search of our "past". There, we found our dearest band instructor (whom we guess is at least 80 years old now), our crazy seniors and some other familiar faces. Photographs were taken and everyone spoke like that was our last meeting. Well, you never know...

Now, I can't help but wonder how I'd feel next month at a monologue held at Jubilee Hall. CK, the lead cast (or rather, the only cast) is my friend of 28 years!!! Well, in case you're wondering, I'm not that old. I just happened to have him as a playmate when I was in primary one and we had stayed as friends since then. Come to think of it, both Lyn and CK were never my classmates. We were just school mates and remained as friends from then. Are we all predestined to be friends for life or what??? Nah... More likely a result of my PR skills being developed and tested at a tender age. Hahaha...

My Calling Revealed?

A few days after I prayed about my calling, I received an email from a friend whom I've not met for the past 15-16 months. In fact, we've only met about 5 times at our antenatal class before we both delivered our kiddos in 2006. We hit off quite well at the class then and had been exchanging photos of our girls via email for a while.

Now, her email to me speaks of her dream to venture into a business and she wants to find out if I'm interested to be part of her dream project. Well, we seemed like a perfect combi cos she's got a creative mind whereas I'm a management person. Sounds balance, right? Not that I've got no creativity, but I've seen her works. She's got an honours degree in Creative Arts and I can only say she's really gifted! Moreover, I do get great satisfaction from managing projects and logistics stuff. That's what I've been doing for more than a decade. Oops! Decade??? I'm not really that old... seriously, I'm not...

Okie, now what??? That email got me all excited for days. I had to control myself from replying her too soon for fear that I'd be carried too far with all the excitement, thus forgetting to do a "sanity" check with the Lord. I need to know if this is for me! And if it isn't, I'm not going to ruin a friend's dream by pulling out halfway later on. So for now, we've agreed that we'll both spend more time praying about this little project before committing ourselves to it. If you're with me, please pray for me as well... Dear Lord, ... :)

Called to OR Caught in?

"Are you full time at home?" This is a pretty common question (apart from the "Are they twins?" question) which I'm most often being asked when I bring the munchkins to the nearby malls, mini marts, playground or park. I realised I get questions like that when I do so on a weekday during office hours, which most full-time working mothers wouldn't have the luxury of time.

Yes, I'm a SAHM ("Stay At Home Mom" in short). Its the 4-letter word which brings much joy to my life and yet causes me to grip with fear at times. "How long more can I remain a SAHM?" Its not a question of time. They key word in that question is can. Yes, can. You may ask "Why can't you?". Well, I've asked myself that same question many times... There are many female friends out there who are are envious of me. They wished they could be SAHM so they could spend more time with their kids, go shopping downtown on weekdays when the crowd is more manageable, take care of the house while their hubby brings home the bacon, etc.

Isn't life more than just that? Is SAHM my calling? If I'm indeed called to be a full time home maker, I pray that God will show me a sign. A sign so obvious that I'll be convinced enough to stop dreaming of getting my butt out to the field from now on. But if for some reasons I had to be caught in this situation where I have to stay where I am until God's better plan for me is revealed, I pray I'll have the patience to wait upon the LORD.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining here. I just long for a different level of job satisfaction and of course, financial independence. Not that my hubby doesn't provide enough for me to spend. But I'd certainly enjoy being able to buy that Baby Gap outfit or Jack & Lily shoes for the munchkins without getting that look on Di's face which translates into "Do you have to spend this much on the girls? They'll outgrow them in no time." Sigh... For those of you who agree with Di, you missed out one of the most enjoyable experience of being a parent. Its perfectly alright to splurge on your kids (and yourself) once in a while, and certainly more wonderful when you are able to pay out of your own pocket. It means you are "able" to provide for your loved ones (by God's grace, of course).

So, pray with me, my friends! For directions and signs... and perhaps "peace of mind" should the LORD willed that I have to remain a SAHM and keep my hands off those alluring outfits at the Gap stores. *wink*

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But her leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit." - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NKJV)

Sleep Deprivation

31st October (Halloween!!!) marks the start of the first night (after 12 long months) the munchkins share the same bedroom for bedtime. Why were they separated for 12 long months at bedtime? Because En is a light sleeper, thanks to mommy's genes, and she was deprived of a good night sleep whenever Xuan shares the same cot as her. That was when they were both small enough to fit one cot. We weigh the pros & cons then and decided to separate them at bedtime when they were 6 weeks old. By doing that, everyone (including the adults) gets to keep their eyelids shut for at least a straight 4-6 hours per night.

Then why put them together now? Because they've both outgrown their cots!!! Not that they are so big that they could no longer fit their cots. There is simply insufficient space in their cots to satisfy their increasing need to toss & turn all over the place at night!

Now that the munchkins get their own bedroom (with Ya-Ya in there, of course), Di and I thought we could get better sleep at night without having to wake up in the wee hours to check on them. Well, we're wrong!!! Or at least I am. The "mommy" in me will just jumped off the bed and dashed to their bedroom whenever I hear a cry. And talk about better sleep indeed. I'm beginning to display signs of paranoia when I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing cries from the empty cot in my room. Arrggghhhh... Dé·jà vu! I thought I'd only behave like this when I was in confinement. Haiz... Looks like more sleep deprivation for now...