In the munchkins' first year, I made it a point to bring only one of them out, at least once a month, for shopping trips or tea time with friends. The rationale behind this was to spend quality time with them individually, so they could enjoy undivided attention from me (if not, both Di and I). I do get questions like "Isn't it unfair to the other twin?" or "How do you decide who comes out this time round?" I can't remember my answers then but I always remember to explain the reason for doing this - Quality Time (QT).
However, I can't remember when I last spent QT with En & Xuan. I felt so guilt stricken the day it struck me I had totally forgotten about QT. Ever since they were able to walk/run, we've been going out as a family most of the time, except when I have to bring them to the doctor when they take turns to fall sick.
The big "revelation" came on 1st October - Children's Day. I was on my way down town to have "a break from the kids" (while Di and Ya Ya babysit the girls) when I met a friend, her husband and their sweet little girl (Hayley) at the mall near our place. When I saw little Hayley holding the hand of her parents on both sides, I immediately felt sad for En & Xuan. They hardly (I won't say never but frankly, I can't recall if it ever took place) had the opportunity to hold both Di and my hands when we were out. Seriously, I don't think the munchkins realised (or are bothered by) this but I couldn't help feeling I had deprived the munchkins of undivided attention and love from both parents. Perhaps all parents with more than one kid felt the same???
Anyway, God brought to mind QT after that episode. With Di's busy work schedule lately, we hardly spend time together as a couple, let alone with the kids. Nevertheless, I resumed QT today by bringing Xuan out for nearly 3 hours. It felt so different going places with her with no specific agenda except to spend time together. We travelled on buses, took MRT rides, played with insects next to ponds, settled for lunch at The Galilee cafe before heading home in a cab. Can't believe how much I had missed all this while when QT was missing from our routine. Now I'm looking forward to my next outing with En and I am certain it'll be a fun-filled one as well.
6 comments:
Dear Aunty Faith,
dun feel that you are depriving the jie jie(s) of any QT. You are already a great mom! It is more diffcult to handle 2 toddies than one. You've done a good job already!
Our fever just subsided this morning.. we been to see GP twice as yesterday both mummy and I's fever shook up till 39.8 degree. Think it is virus.. wait till we fully recover, I would love to attend your playdates.
Hayley dear!
Speedy recovery to both you and your mommy! Take care huh! We'll see you soon. ^.^
Hi Faith,
I don't see what you are doing is wrong. I believe it is perfectly alright to spend quality time with one child at one time.
It is not a matter of fair or unfair since they are taking turns to be out with you and your husband. I think this practice can and should continue till they are teenagers even.
As you know I am not quite there yet but is it hard explaining to the one that is staying behind that next week it will be her turn?
Hi Dylan
I don't explain to the one staying behind because it is pointless. Both of them hasn't reached that level where they understand "time" eg. later on, tomorrow or next week. So I just ask Ya Ya to play with En while I take Xuan out. No point causing a meltdown.
However, they can fully comprehend "object permanence" now, so while En will be looking around the house for her twin and mommy, Xuan will be asking about her sister and Ya Ya on/off when we are out. Ya Ya will tell En the truth that I went out with En and that I will bring her out the next round. En seemed OK with the answer, so I guess we'll continue with this arrangement till I think they can comprehend the concept of "day & time". :)
My situation is the total opposite of yours. Hb always felt it's a hassle to bring both out together. We've been bringing either one out so often till recently I protest. So now it's either both or none. haha!!!
Irin
Hi Irin
Hahaha... So where have you been bringing the kiddos nowadays? Apart from Dempsey Rd area and JBCG, where else is fun to bring the tots? I'm kind of running out of ideas lately... And the weather is so unpredictable, its hard to plan anyhting outdoor. Anyway, we're planning to go to the Science Centre this Wed. Hope the munchkins will enjoy the trip.
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