4th Birthday

This post came a little late this year. The fun and joy experienced when planning, organising and being present at the munchkins' 4th birthday celebration in the childcare centre still linger in me.

Here's princesses En and Xuan on 6 October, with the individual birthday cakes of their choice.

I cannot put into words how I feel when I saw them seated at the table, all dressed up, ready to receive the blessings and well wishes from their teachers and all their little friends. They were such a fortunate pair whose lives had been under the hands of the almighty God! I was so close to tears that day. That gentle voice within, shouting "Look! We've come so far, isn't it?" makes me want to cry. The sweet reminder that God watches over the 2 of them all the time, is overwhelming. Those moments where I had doubts, where I was down, where my faith was failing me, where my human strength couldn't take me, they were all but foolishness of my heart which blinded my eyes to the love of my Lord.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for all that You've done for En and Xuan. They were beautifully and wonderfully made by Your precious hands. May they remember Your grace and Your love for them, and in return, love and praise You all the days of their lives. Teach them Your ways, not mine. Show them Your plans for them, and not mine. Guide them to fulfill Your purpose for them in their lives. Into Your precious hands, I commit my little ones. Amen.

Doubts

Today mark the end of the 3rd week of my clinical practicum to a surgical ward of the hospital I am bonded to. I have 4 more weeks to go before I return to books again (aka campus life).

As much as I still strong believe in, and am assured of, my calling to His purpose in this nursing career, I am prompted to start to pray about the discipline which I will enter into come January 2011. I need to know where I would be most needed in His purpose for my life.

You see, 2 years back, I felt I "might' be called to Palliative Nursing. End-of-life issues and caregivers' stress had always been close to my heart. I wonder sometimes if it stems from regrets that my family, including my late mother, was ill prepared for her death and issues related to her demise. I am not saying we had a hard time coping then. Even the most well prepared families had their share of grief and struggles after losing their loved ones. But I believe things would have been a lot easier if someone, like a palliative nurse, had step in to prepare the family, including my mother, for the impending issues ahead before her eventual departure. I was a educated, 19-year old young adult then and would certainly be able to comprehend complex issues on hand. Having said that, such services weren't available back in the early 1990s, so no one's to be blamed though.

Now, as I encounter deaths in the hospital and patients being diagnosed with cancer, and having spoke to a few of these patients, their family members as well as nurses who were in palliative care previously, I'm beginning to doubt if I can handle the emotional roller coaster of the role of a palliative nurse. Perhaps I needed more exposure? Perhaps I needed a good mentor? Or maybe it was never God's intention to put me in this role and it was my own imagination all along???

I need answers which only my dear Lord can provide. But you, my friend, can pray with me in my search for an answer and direction. Thanks!

Give us your strength, Lord.
Because sometimes things get tough, and we are ready to quit.

Give us your love, Lord.
Because sometimes people reject us and we are tempted to hate.

Give us your eyes, Lord.
Because sometimes life get dark and we lose our way.

Give us your courage, Lord.
Because often we are put under pressure and its hard to do what is right.

Give us yourself, Lord.
Because our hearts were made for you and we will not rest until we rest in you.

Amen.

Updates

Its been months since I last posted in this blog. I did not forget its existence. I made a decision to spend more time with the kids (on top of my studies), hence the missing act from the blog as well as my other online hobbies.

As of today, the munchkins are about 2 months away from their 4th birthday. They are a lot more expressive nowadays, can hold a decent conversation and they play with each other most of the time. The "naughty corner" had not been used for a long time now as discipline takes a rather different approach for them at this age. The girls are more reasonable and are able to accept verbal warnings. I haven't seen melt downs for quite a while and I really, really thank God for that.

For the past few months, quality time with the munchkins were spent indoor playing dough, doing colouring, playing blocks, watching DVDs and occasionally reading together. At times, the adults were requested to leave the room because we don't belong to their "school" or whatever environment the girls' imagined themselves to be in. Sometimes I get pretty amused by how En and Xuan could understand one another's imagination and play along. You know, like when the things they talked about were virtual (like catching a fish without a rod or net) or the environment they verbalised literally doesn't exist (they pretended to be mermaids from the deep Oceania). Kids are a lot more than you think they are!!!

We go outdoor most of the weekends now. If I need to work on my assignments on a particular weekend, Di and YaYa will bring the girls out without me. The munchkins had gotten more "acquainted" with the malls than before. McDonalds were not encouraged in the past when they were younger. We now visit the fast food chain every fortnightly. Furthermore, with the munchkins' allergy conditions and asthma under control, they are now allowed to have ice-cream when we dine out. So you can imagine how much they love outings, especially after Sunday school! They can name the various malls we've brought them to and state their preferences. Needless to say, those malls with ice cream parlours and Kiddy Palace gets top votes in their list of "My favourite Shopping Malls".

A family portrait taken for Father's Day in May, so here's one to share. Seated on my thighs is Xuan. En has got her arms around me.


I may not be able to post as often as I'd love to, but I'll continue to try. Perhaps when I'm back in the hospital in mid August, I'll have more time to write again. I'll "see" you around. God bless!

Reflections

An hour ago, I had a short chat with Di when I arrived home from my last day in KK Women and Children's Hospital (clinical posting). Di shared good news about his colleague's wife being successfully pregnant after years of trying to conceive with history of previous miscarriage. We were really happy for them. And Di was truly thankful it didn't take us long to get pregnant when we finally decided to start a family back then.

I, on the other hand, am more thankful than ever, after spending the past one month in the paediatric, obstetric and gynaecology ward. When I witnessed premature infants arriving in the ward with complex medical conditions or awaiting for corrective surgery, I can't thank the Lord more for a relatively smooth pregnancy, allowing me to carry the munchkins to term and giving them good health. Women with reproductive disorders also reminded me to count my blessings each day. What more can I ask for...

Thank You, Jesus, for everything!

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank.
- Christina Rossetti

So Awesome is Your Love

Paediatrics

It has only been 3 days into my paediatric posting and I am feeling down and depressed, on one hand, yet tremendously grateful on the other. In fact, I am rather convinced paeds are not my cup of tea, and I certainly hope this discipline would not be my calling. I struggled to keep my professional composure at work and found it challenging to cope with the emotional roller coaster ride the moment I am out of the hospital.

I love children and I think they are beautiful gifts from God. So it pains my heart to see the little ones suffering. Oh, I forgot to mention I am posted to paeds surgical ward. Looking at infants or toddlers born with congenital conditions and hoping for a chance to lead a normal life post surgery is heart wrenching. Of course there are a handful of them who are admitted for minor conditions and their speedy recovery plus angelic laughter are a joy to many.

However, there is this one child who makes my heart ache even at this very moment. She was admitted for second degree burns (scalded by boiling water) due to abuse/negligence. My heart sank the moment I saw her. Wrapped up like an ancient Egyptian mummy, I could tell she is about the munchkins’ age. The quiet child, who refused to talk for the first 2 days, finally opened up and answered my few questions yesterday after I gave her Princess and Thomas & Friends stickers. Later on, she cried softly when we wheeled her for dressing change. After coaxing her, I promised to get her some Strawberry Shortcake stickers today. And I hope these little items would bring pain relieve and joy to her on her journey to recovery.

I spoke briefly about her condition to the munchkins last night. Told them about her burns and the fact that no one truly cares for her (I have not seen any visitors except for police officers and social workers). En graciously (lived up to her name) offer to give the girl her Thomas & Friends piano while Xuan fret over which of her favourite toys to give away. In the end, I chose a ball which changes colour when it is thrown in the air, and asked if Xuan would like to give away the ball. She nodded with a smiley face and that warms my heart.

So now, I’ll have to go pack the stickers and toys in a nice paper bag and get ready for work. Keep praying for me too, that nothing will happen at work that I'd be unable to handle. Thank you!

Why Blog?

Some people blog to document their journey in parenting, career development or relationships with their better half or higher being, etc. Others choose blogging as a means to express their innermost thoughts and feelings, whereas for some, it is a mode to share with others their love for their hobbies (eg. photography, music, handicraft, etc.). No matter what their reason is behind blogging, I enjoy reading blogs because they reveal a lot about the writers, even though you may not know them personally.

But there are blogs written by my friends and they sometimes bring tears to my eyes. These are people I know personally yet we do not openly discuss our thoughts and feelings when we meet. Why? Because we are Asians and that’s it! It is in our blood and that’s hard to change. Our parents were reserved and we didn’t have good role models to guide us in expressing ourselves in our younger days. No doubt we are a lot better than our parents in terms of communication now, but still, something is lacking in the Asian (or rather Chinese) culture which makes it a challenge for us to pour our hearts out to our friends. And I guess it didn’t help to have another barrier to overcome – pride. Blogging, however, became a great avenue for some of us to pen our feelings and share with friends and strangers (pardon me for using this term if you happened to be reading this blog for the first time).

I got to know a few high school friends better when they started blogging. We don’t discuss what was posted when we meet face to face, but we do drop each other little notes (or exchange text SMSes) when one is feeling down. This morning, I spent a whole 2 hours reading the blog of a high school friend who just passed away on 30 January 2010. I was tearing most of them time when I read about her fight against cancer for the past 15 months. The fact that she left behind a pair of twins made me think what I’d do if I were to be in her shoes. Will I be as strong? What will I say to my own twins if I were to face similar situation? I really don’t know…

Nonetheless, I hope all my friends will continue to blog, and I will try my best to catch up on your blogs whenever I can. It may not be the best way to keep in touch, but it is one of the ways in which we can share and support one another, ya? Let's not wait till the next call to gather at a friend's funeral wake to catch up with one another, okie? “See” you around and take care!

Critical Thinking

The concept of critical thinking is defined as “an analytical process that can help you think through a problem in an organised and efficient manner” (Barbara, A. P.). While it is normal to assume our kids will eventually acquire critical thinking skills, I've never actually thought about when that should happen, until I realised it had already manifested itself in En and Xuan over the past few weeks.

I used to give them excuses for not fulfilling their requests, and they never question why, though I sometimes get that "question mark" look on their faces. Then I realised one morning that my munchkins had "grown" without me noticing again. And what triggered that revelation was this.

We were at the mall around 10am on New Year's Day. Most of the shops were not opened yet, so when En asked if she could go for a kiddy ride, I conveniently answered "The shops are not opened yet, darling." Now, she knew exactly where the kiddy rides are located within the mall even though there wasn't a single one in sight. And I didn't quite like the idea of kiddy rides because they are costly. For the benefit of my overseas friends, a single ride could cost up to $2 at times!!! And you know kids don't normally stop at one ride (alright, alright... they're not so bad. They do stop at one sometimes when I tell them I only have one coin in my purse). She kept quiet for a few seconds, then she said "But the kiddy rides are not inside the shops!" I was speechless, and yes, I told her right in her face "I am speechless!" before we proceed to catch a few rides.

Last weekend, the girls were at their grandparents' place. While toss and turning at nap time, En asked YaYa "When I wake up, we will go to Orchard Road lah?" You see, "lah" is a local expression which the childcare centre is trying their best to educate the kids not to include in their English conversation. So Xuan turned and said to En "Teacher XXXX said not to use the word 'lah'." En quickly answered her sister " We can use 'lah' only when there's Xuan, En and YaYa. When mommy and papa is around, we cannot use 'lah'." I mean, what was she thinking???!!!

Well, if that is the start of the munchkins' critical thinking skills development, I guess I am in trouble. Have to start brushing up on my critical thinking skills to come up with a new list of excuses to counteract theirs. Kekekeke... Just kidding! I'm looking at my girls in a whole new perspective and I just want to tell them "Come on! Surprise me!!!

Faith like a Mustard Seed

And Jesus said unto them, "Because of your unbelief; for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, `Remove hence to yonder place,' and it shall remove. And nothing shall be impossible unto you. - Matthew 17:20 (NKJV)

For years I have been equipped with the knowledge of this Bible verse. In fact, my name is a constant reminder of this verse! However, my faith can get as weak as one can imagine, especially where the munchkins are concerned. Every time my children are down physically, my faith is challenged. Don't get me wrong. I do not doubt my Lord and Saviour. But my defences aren't as strong at times like these... And HE knows. So He works in His special way to bring me to higher grounds, just so I could see better and further.

The night she was ill, I had En sat on my lap and cradled her little head in my arms. She was drowsy as a result of the medication, but still she managed to pray with me for complete healing. Our little prayer ended with a simple "We believe in Your healing and we receive. Amen."

A few minutes later, in a moment of weakness, and perhaps out of desperation, I asked her "Darling, do you really believe Jesus can heal you?"

"Yes", replied En with such affirmative tone.

"Why?" asked the foolish mommy, who was at the verge of breaking down from stress and fatigue.

"Because Jesus is good and He is happy!" was the answer from the 3-year-old.

From that very moment, I had to ask my Lord for forgiveness of sin. My kid understands the basic, simple truth which I'm so blinded to at times --- The Lord is able and willing to heal (or forgive, teach, guide, prosper, etc. Just fill in the blank!) And all He ask of us is simply believe.

To date, we are still praying and believing for complete healing for En, and I still have my moments of weakness at times. But I am reminded of the simple truth every time I am tempted to "stray". And I cannot thank the Lord enough for His grace that has kept me going. Praise the Lord.

Priotise

First of all, I'd like to thank all who expressed their concerns and prayers for En. After some aggressive treatment including oral steroids and Combivent via the nebuliser (apparently the Ventolin inhaler wasn't effective this time because En's breath was too shallow for the medication to get to the lungs), the wheezing began to fade. Doctor advise to put her on long term antihistamine until the weather change for the better. In fact, the same apply to Xuan as well since she is also hypersensitive to weather changes.

En stayed at home for the entire week because in the midst of the wheezing episode, she suffered stomach flu as well. (Poor gal!) One could tell her immune system had been badly compromised. Anyway, we thank God we learnt our lessons from the previous experience (where she lost consciousness after few days of diarrhea) and sent her for medical review right away, so she didn't have to suffer as much this time round.

Now that En is much better, I have to start to catch up with my studies and be prepared for the challenges starting in 2 week's time. My schedule is so ridiculously packed, I sometimes wonder how I can survive this semester without neglecting my family.

Then I am reminded of my personal philosophy "In life, you win some, you lose some". Can I afford to lose some marks, live with lower grade and pass my exams with less than satisfactory results? YES, I can. Because the grades doesn't matter as much as my family members does to me. When I learnt that my cousin's teenage son died in a car accident over the weekend, I was badly "hit" as well. Even though I knew my nephew is now home with the Lord, I cannot imagine the loss and grief my cousin had to bear. She loved him so much...

Any of you having problems prioritising? What does it cost you to let go of some of the not-so-important appointments, gatherings or even commitments, just so you could spend some quality time with your family? Think, think, think...

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice because the same water that had passed will never pass again.

- author unknown.

Insomnia

Tonight is going to be a sleepless night for me. Something I have not experienced for a long, long time...

En is wheezing badly again, and the symptoms doesn't seemed to go away despite administering 4 dozes of Ventolin at one go. The fear of her turning breathless grips me like nothing I can describe. I am physically tired yet my mind couldn't "switch off" because I am in fear - fear of having to send my girl to the emergency department again while I watch helplessly at a corner...

Those of you parents out there whose kids suffer from asthma may think I'm over-reacting. I am, indeed, and I must confess that my fears could be unfounded to some extend. But my heart weighs a million tonnes because I am guilty. It was exactly the same time last year when she developed similar signs, and I, being the full time caregiver, dismissed it as common cough symptoms. The foolishness in me simply didn't realise my girl was in need of help, leading to her subsequent episodes of chest infections, surgery and finally bronchopneumonia. The damage done was much more than expected and some were permanent. She is more susceptible to infections and airway obstruction (call it asthma if you like) ever since. Whenever she falls ill due to respiratory issues, I feel responsible. I know I need to get out of this bottomless guilt pit but...

God has forgiven me. It is the big ME in me who finds it hard to forgive myself. Pray for me, my friends. I needed your prayers... Got to go serve the midnight dose of Ventolin now. I bet I can hear the coughing even in my sleep...

Birthday Prayer

Dear Lord

I’ll turn 36 in less than an hour. The birthday cake was cut yesterday, together with the girls and Di, in the comfort of our home. It was so sweet of Di to get YaYa a birthday cake in advance as well, so we had 2 different cakes for breakfast! Yummy!

And there was also the lunch and tea session with my pals last Saturday, and another lunch and tea session with my siblings on Wednesday. I thank You that I am indeed very blessed with so many loved ones around me, and I really have nothing more to ask for.

Reeling through the past year, I thank You for answering all my prayers. The list of answered prayers is too long to be posted here, so I thought I’d just share a few below:

• I asked for strength and courage to face challenges, as well as wisdom to discern situations, and You were there for me whenever I needed guidance, be it in school or at work.
• I asked You to prosper Di, and he did really well at work.
• I asked for favour upon the munchkins in the childcare centre, and they were well loved by their teachers, the staff and all their friends (including those from Playgroup and K2, which I just came to learn about recently). Thank You very much!

The coming year would still be a challenge to me as I continue to play the role of a wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, employee, employer, friend, etc. Family still, and will always, come first, and I also hope this coming year would be a year of spiritual breakthrough for my family. This is especially so for the children as I try to demonstrate to them the importance of loving You wholeheartedly. May You continue to be the head of this house hold.

In Jesus' name, amen.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. – Deuteronomy 6:5 (NKJV)

Imperfection

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. - James 1:17 (NKJV)

As I sit by in the munchkin's bed earlier, watching the 2 girls sleep peacefully, I started wondering if I had been a good mother to them. What can I do to make myself a better mother?

Through moments of quiet, self reflection, I wondered if I was too hard on them (and myself) at times, despite constant reminders (to myself) to let them grow as kids ought to. Then it strike my mind that striving to become perfect is not even half as challenging as coming to terms with imperfection. And to my precious, dearest Lord, thank you for reminding me that the beauty of life lies in its imperfection. Thank you very much, once again!

Three Years Old

The munchkins turned three yesterday. Three!!! Wow! All it seemed to take was the blink of an eye and my sweetie pies are now preschoolers.

Looking back, I love having them as toddlers despite those difficult moments when communication was a major challenge. Now that we've overcome the "language barrier", I somehow missed their babbles and having to guess what they really wanted from their incoherent behaviour and seemingly meaningless speech fashion. Strange...

Nevertheless, their 3rd birthday was a memorable one to the munchkins, or so I believe. Their previous birthdays (only twice to be exact!) were all planned by me and there wasn't much involvement on their part except to be present during the party and cut the cakes. This time round was different. They started off the day with the family (aka Di, myself and Ya Ya) singing them a birthday song and a palm size birthday cake for each of them for breakfast. Its "tradition" that each of them should have their own birthday cake, even if its a small one, to remind us they are two separate individuals even though they are identicals. Gong Gong was sweet enough to purchase those cakes the night before (thanks, dad!). The girls left for school after that, looking forward to receiving their much bigger birthday cake and the afternoon tea party with their friends in the childcare centre.

By 3pm, Di, myself, Gong Gong and Teng (my sister) were outside the school gate while the teachers changed the girls into their "party" dress. Once we entered the school premise, we were greeted by a group of sleepy-heads (some looked as if they were still in dreamland after their nap). There, right in the front of a cubicle, was a wooden table with a Hello Kitty cake on it. En & Xuan were seated in front of the cake like princesses from the royal family. Kekeke...



Okay, side track a bit on the choice of the cake. About 3 months ago, I started asking what cake they would like to have for their birthday. And over the 3-month period, I gathered answers like Strawberry Shortcake, Princess Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, Belle, Hello Kitty, Little Einsteins, Pooh Bear, Dora, Mickey Mouse, Barbie Mariposa, Cars (aka Lightning McQueen), Tweety, blah blah blah... They were changing their minds every other day, so I decided to pick my personal favourite - yes, the kitty without a mouth or otherwise known as Hello Kitty or HK in short. Anyway, the munchkins kind of rekindled their love and interest for the kitty lately when Teng bought them each a HK candy house and HK doll house. San-yee even promised to buy them HK birthday presents from Sanrio Land on her holiday trip to Japan.

Back in the school, while the children were happily feasting on the cake, all the Playgroup kids had at least one portrait taken by Di. Di was amazed at how responsive the kids were and he was glad the children enjoyed having their photos taken by him. A plus point for the photographer! Then I was told to be prepared to bring a portion of the cake back home because I overestimated the size of the cake (I ordered a 3kg instead of 2kg). Surprisingly, most of the kids asked for a second helping and the entire cake was nearly gone in 30 minutes. Whew!!! I'm so comforted to know the kids love the cake.

En & Xuan received their birthday gifts from the teachers and friends before we left with them. We had coffee at the mall before leading them to Kiddy Palace. Both were so excited they were allowed to choose a gift of their choice. En chose a Cinderella top with matching skirt while Xuan opt for a layered, pastel coloured dress. They had another set of white skirts and a new "Barbie and The Three Musketeers" DVD as bonus gifts. All the gifts were paid for by Da-yee (thank you so much!!!). We then left the mall to fetch san-yee from RP and there, the girls received their loots from Sanrio Land wrapped in pretty HK packaging.

And guess what? Its not over yet.. . Xiao-yee is returning from Beijing this weekend, hence there will be another special delivery of birthday gifts next week. In addition, plans have been made to take the girls off school for 2 days so I can spend some time with them since I'm having my term break. So much for their birthday activities! No wonder they are so reluctant to return to school today... :p

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

The past 3 weeks had been extremely eventful. During my miserable 5-day study week and the following week where I had to sit for my last 5 examination papers, En and Xuan took turns to have viral fever. En later developed wheezing sound in the lungs and was ordered by the doctor to stay at home for a week. As a result, I had sleepless nights and stressful days while trying to cope with her condition, my revision as well as the examination.

When both the munchkins were finally back in school, I started my clinical posting. Just when I thought all was going well, I received a call from the childcare centre on a Friday afternoon about Xuan’s temperature again. She was brought home earlier and we didn’t find anything unusual about her, so we just provided symptomatic treatment when necessary.

Then the siren in my head went off 2 days later on a Sunday when I spotted one blister on her arm and one on her leg. She already had one near her lips on Friday and I thought it was just a normal blister (Note: the blisters were neither on her palms nor sole, just one each on her arm and leg). Still, Di and I decided to dig out that HFMD brochure given by the childcare centre earlier this year to have a second look. Nothing conclusive, Di thought.

However, while exchanging SMS with one of my classmates who is also a mother of two, she mentioned her kids once had HFMD with no symptoms at all except ulcers in the mouth. I decided to check Xuan’s oral cavity. There I found numerous angry looking red spots in her upper jaw area leading to the back of her mouth. To be doubly sure, I checked En’s and the same area in En’s mouth was perfectly, healthy pink looking. Viola! That’s it!!!

So we brought Xuan to the clinic and confirmed it was indeed HFMD. We were prepared to quarantine En at home despite knowing its best to isolate her from Xuan. Anyway, she could be carrying the virus already (the incubation period is known to be 3-5 days), we thought we’d just leave things to God. And God was prompt in confirming our prayer this time. By the following morning, En started to develop blisters on her arms and legs too.

We were thankful Xuan’s case was a mild one. A week had past and she had merely 4-5 blisters on her. She had low grade fever and was able to eat everything and anything. Poor En suffered a lot more. She had fever above 39 degrees, painful ulcers in her mouth hence unable to eat or drink (not even ice-cream) and painful blisters on her upper, lower limbs and groin region (only a few on the palm and sole). She was literally crying throughout the entire Tuesday.

Now that it’s all over, we’re more than happy to release them from their “imprisonment” as they are officially allowed to venture beyond the 4 walls of our home. Their patience was obviously wearing thinner as the days passed as we kept telling them they can only go out when the blisters are all gone. I told En on Saturday night “You can only go out if Dr. Lim says you can do so. We will go to his clinic tomorrow.” Immediately on Sunday morning, she woke up and told me “Mommy, today is Sunday. Dr. Lim said I can go out already.” But we have not even seen the doctor!!! Kekeke…

Well, it may have been a very challenging month for the family, but we certainly had grown closer after having to face one another within the 4 walls of this house day in and day out. Now, we look forward to an exciting month in September where En & Xuan are going to be the flower girls for my cousin, Kelyn’s, wedding. In October, the munchkins will celebrate their 3rd birthday. And for the first time in their life, they’ll be celebrating their birthday with their own friends in the childcare centre. Praise the Lord!

Imagination

I had the privilege of enjoying the life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) again starting from Wednesday last week. It is study week before my first exam paper this coming Friday. This short-live privilege had brought much joy to me thus far, and was a great stress reliever at times when I couldn't retain much of my revision materials.

Now, what makes this temporary SAHM status (versus being a full time home maker previously) more enjoyable is the munchkins' current development. Their ability to converse makes it challenging yet funfilled to spend time with them. And to top it up, their wild imagination, ability to infer and assume or whatever you want to call it, will either make you laugh or drive you insane.

Last Wednesday, when it was bedtime, the girls wanted to bring their favourite story books to their room, and I agreed. En picked ‘Sharks – Big Bigger Biggest’ while Xuan chose ‘The Three Billy-Goats Gruff’. After lights off, Xuan continue to “read” the book in the dark, and here’s how the conversation among the 3 of us went:

Mom: Xuan, put away the book. Nobody reads in the dark. You’ll spoil your eyes.

En: Mommy, cannot read in the dark, right? You’ll spoil your eyes.

Mom: Yes, you’re right. Xuan, you hear me? (Xuan ignored my request and continue reading.)

En: Xuan, cannot read in the dark! You’ll spoil your eyes!!! Like Lao Ma! (referring to my grandma who is also the munchkins’ great grandmother. She is visually impaired for the past decade.)

Xuan: Lao Ma is blind! Her eyes spoil. (Err... She seemed to respond to her sister better???)

Mom: Do you know who Lao Ma is? (I really wondered because they only get to meet great-grandma 3 to 4 times a year.)

En: Lao Ma took photo with Natasha at Da Yee’s house. (Okie, she got that right since she remembered the photo I took with my mobile phone).

Mom: Do you know why Lao Ma is blind?

En: Lao Ma read books in the dark when she is a baby, so her eyes spoil. A lot of blood come out!!! Then Lao Ma become blind…

I was totally speechless at the absurdness of the story, yet pretty amused by En’s imagination. The best part was - Xuan quickly put her book away and declared she is not going to read in the dark anymore. I had En to thank for that.

Just yesterday, Xuan decided to “make a call” using her toy mobile phone and ask me to greet the recipient (whom she decided would be my dad).

Xuan: Mommy, say “Hello, Gong Gong!”

Mom: Hello, Gong Gong!

Xuan: Okie, good.

Mom: Hello, Nai Nai! (I added a new "character" to the teleconversation.)

Xuan (protesting): No, not Nai Nai. Gong Gong is not with Nai Nai.

Mom: Why not? Perhaps they went shopping for toys together?

Xuan: No, Nai Nai go shopping with Ye Ye, not Gong Gong. Gong Gong go shopping on his own.

Mom: ??????

Sometimes, I wonder what goes though the tiny brains of my little ones. Do they speak more from their hearts or minds? What causes their logical thinking or wild imaginations? Have I, in any way, limited their ability to imagine beyond the impossible? I certainly hope not.

As I pondered these questions, I concluded that as certain as the sun rises from the east every morning, the beauty of life is not in knowing the who, what, when, where, why and how… It is in appreciating the who, what, when, where, why and how. I hope my children will embrace this beauty, and that I will demonstrate this virtue in my parenting journey.

Dear Lord, may you continue to bless my children and help me to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV). Amen.

I will Survive

Today mark the start of the 14th week since I started my full time studies. The journey is extremely rewarding, but of course, I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I struggled with a few modules, like Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Sociology. As you can see, I'm not a very theoretical person, so dry subjects like these just doesn't work for me. On the other hand, nursing subjects (particulary skills related) and Anatomy & Physiology were more "exciting" modules for me and I believe I had done (and will do) well in these subjects.

Nevertheless, I must confess it is by the grace of God that I survived this far. Being a mother of two was supposed to be beneficial, in my course of studies, in the sense I had to manage my time pretty well in order to do my revision and prepare for tests/exams. However, weekends come and go with the munchkins demanding time and energy from me, and before I knew it, I'm always trying to "scan" my entire stack of lecture notes into my "pea brain" the night before my tests. Oops!!!

You know what? Each time before my test, I would say a little prayer "Dear Lord, I will survive... with your help!" And my little prayer whispered in desperation never failed to be answered by my gracious Lord. *Thank you, Jesus!*

Of course, the support from my family is another crucial factor. Di and Ya-Ya had been entertaining the girls during those trying times where my "CPU" had trouble appending data from my revision. *Thank you, my dears!". Its 3 more weeks before I get to clear all my exam papers. Thereafter, I will face a new set of challenges as I venture into the hospital to clock my clinical hours. I believe I will survive my clinical posting too (but not without God's help!).

Back home, I have to thank God for faithfully preserving the little ones as well as the adults. None had been feeble lately and the munchkins had developed so quickly, I couldn't believe my eyes and ears at times. En is extremely chatty and cheeky nowadays. She would sing, dance and make funny faces. The list of questions she'd ask at times amuses me too.

Xuan starts to reason a lot lately. She'd be explaining things and constructing her own rationale about certain situations, and I am so amazed by her vocabulary. Oh yes, both the munchkins have started to converse in Mandarin and that's really a plus point, especially to Gong-Gong. All thanks to the childcare centre teachers who made them recite Chinese poetry!

...
...
My apologies for the abrupt end to this posting. Will try to update everyone again, in a week or two, I hope. Its time to go back to my lecture notes again. Ganbarimasu!!!

Praying for Children

Yesterday was my late mother's birthday. She would have been 57 this year. When I was thinking about her on my way to my morning lecture, I wondered what I would have been if she was a believer and a prayerful mother. Would my life be entirely different?

Then I asked myself what I could do for my children? Have I been a prayerful mother to the munchkins as well? Frankly, I am guilty... Extremely guilty. Then I chanced upon an article this morning which hit the nail right on its head, and I can't resist sharing it here. Below is an extract from thoughts about God.

Praying For Children
Lord, I prayed for this child, and You have granted me what I asked of You. 1 Samuel 1:27

The assignment to pray for our children is absolutely essential to raise up a generation that will withstand the enemy’s attack upon them (Gen. 22:17, Psa. 12 7:5).

These Scripture-based prayers are dedicated to this most important responsibility and privilege of a parent or grandparent.

Lord, what do You want for my children? Guide me by Your Spirit as I pray for my children according to Your will. I release them to You so that You can accomplish Your will for their lives. I will not try to live my life over through them. Keep me from binding them by my needs, wants, and ambitions for them. Get me out of Your way, so that You can work the life of Christ in them and give them Your best. Give me the grace to wait on You, for Your timing is perfect.

I pray that my children would:

1. Receive and love Jesus as their Savior
2. Commit their lives to make Jesus Lord and be filled with Your Spirit
3. Know the true and living God intimately and cherish and apply all Your names
4. Learn to pray and praise
5. Know who they are in Christ
6. Be protected from the evil one by the blood of Jesus
7. Receive the love of God the Father
8. Love the word of God
9. Learn to hate sin and love holiness, righteousness, and the fear of the Lord
10. Grow up into maturity in the Lord
11. Glorify God in their bodies as Your temple
12. Respect those in authority
13. Have healthy, edifying, satisfying, wise friendships
14. Know the truth and renew their minds in God’s Word
15. Walk wisely in the ways and wisdom of God
16. Have the joy of the Lord
17. Seek to please God, not self, and serve others
18. Learn who the enemy is and resist him victoriously
19. Maintain their first-love devotion to Jesus
20. Find the godly life partner that God is preparing, a mate who will complement them in their obedient walk with the Lord

Note: Details of all 20 prayer requests above are elaborated in the website.

I seriously think I have done well thus far in NOT trying to live my live over through En & Xuan, and I pray I will continue to keep this in mind as they grow older. It is also my wish that they will develop individuality and not conform themselves to standards of this world. My hope for them is they'll turn out to be wise children of a chosen generation, not Gen-X or Y as "pigeon-holed" by the modern society. But above and beyond the things mentioned, I ask the Lord to continuously guide me in raising En & Xuan in a manner He desires, and grant me the wisdom to manage them as they enter into the pre-school phase in the months ahead. Amen.

Have you been praying for your kids? If you haven't, then pray with me!

Changes

I'm starting to adjust better to my recent lifestyle changes, though still trying my best to balance family and academic life. Thank God He had been very faithful in providing for the family and my much needed brain capacity (there's so much to remember for BioScience!!!). Here are some pictures of my life in NYP:

Yours truly & the gang who makes academic life more interesting.























Our usual teabreak loot which is a must for some to boost their CPU (brain).












Though Di and I had missed out quite a fair bit in the munchkins' developmental journey of late (eg. their first visit to the Underwater World & Pink Dolphin Lagoon), we still try our best to make time for them on weekends or whenever possible. I really, really appreciate the help from all who had been faithfully & regularly helping to babysit the munchkins while I move on in life. May the Lord bless them richly!!!

Here's a pix of the munchkins on their way to school, taken a few days ago. Thank God for protecting them and keeping them healthy, just so I can study in peace and wake up in one piece everyday!