Tonight is going to be a sleepless night for me. Something I have not experienced for a long, long time...
En is wheezing badly again, and the symptoms doesn't seemed to go away despite administering 4 dozes of Ventolin at one go. The fear of her turning breathless grips me like nothing I can describe. I am physically tired yet my mind couldn't "switch off" because I am in fear - fear of having to send my girl to the emergency department again while I watch helplessly at a corner...
Those of you parents out there whose kids suffer from asthma may think I'm over-reacting. I am, indeed, and I must confess that my fears could be unfounded to some extend. But my heart weighs a million tonnes because I am guilty. It was exactly the same time last year when she developed similar signs, and I, being the full time caregiver, dismissed it as common cough symptoms. The foolishness in me simply didn't realise my girl was in need of help, leading to her subsequent episodes of chest infections, surgery and finally bronchopneumonia. The damage done was much more than expected and some were permanent. She is more susceptible to infections and airway obstruction (call it asthma if you like) ever since. Whenever she falls ill due to respiratory issues, I feel responsible. I know I need to get out of this bottomless guilt pit but...
God has forgiven me. It is the big ME in me who finds it hard to forgive myself. Pray for me, my friends. I needed your prayers... Got to go serve the midnight dose of Ventolin now. I bet I can hear the coughing even in my sleep...
1 comment:
You were not overreacting at all!
Recently my son had a bit of wheezing. I didn't think much of it since it's allergy season, so I just decided to wait it out. Come night time and he got worse. This time he had uncontrollable cough and could barely walk. We had to call a ambulance immediately! I wish I would have had him seen earlier or we wouldn't have suffered all that heartache.
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