En's fever started on 15 Feb. And she's still running a temperature on/off even as I'm typing now. From my record, there were 11 times when her body temperature rise above 38 °C, of which 4 were above 39°C.
For the past week, I was sleepless despite being mentally drained and physically exhausted. This is especially so whenever I measures her temperature in the wee hours of the morning and it doesn't look good. Her temperature rises each time her medication wears off. I nearly broke down one morning when the Braun ThermoScan displays a cruel reading of 39.3°C.
I'm overwhelmed with guilt and heartache. There's a mental tug of war going on in that pea brain of mine. What if her brain gets "cooked" if I don't send her to hospital now? But what if she's OK yet I chose to send her to the hospital,; and she ended having IV needles inserted through her tiny veins, gets terrorised by nursing staff who'll inject antibiotics into her every 4 hours, blah, blah, blah... But then again, if I don't send her now, then... ??? And the struggle goes on... The reality of motherhood, I guess. :(
In the midst of all the chaos, I remember my mom whom I had never thank her for her unfailing love and care for me when I was a child. Among my siblings, I'm most guilty of putting that frown on her face when I suffered injuries here and there when I was young. I don't know how much it must have pained her heart to see me get hurt. Only memories of her telling me off for being so careless. Looking back, those must be words of love and concern.
And mom's right. She used to say "You'll understand how a parent feel when you become one." And I'd say better not become one if you're "not prepared" to understand how tough parenting is. Well, gotta go now. Time to take another temperature reading on En.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Gathering
Happy Valentine's Day! Its been quite a while since my last posting. Time is a luxury to me nowadays as I spent 90% of my time interacting, playing with and of course, disciplining the kids. Whatever's left is only enough for a refreshing shower or coffee break. Sigh...
The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...
But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)
So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*
The Lunar New Year came and gone... Or at least the crucial first few days, so to speak. To be precise, the lunar new year last a good 15 days which means the last day of this festive season would be exactly a week from now. Di, myself, the girls and their Ya-Ya were exhausted after 4 full days of travelling around the island to gather with family and friends, while last Sunday was spent entertaining relatives who visited our loft in the morning followed by lunch and dinner gathering at our place with 2 different groups of friends. I thought my joints were giving way by the end of the day. Kekeke...
But just last night, I had a dinner gathering with 2 pals whom I have known for at least 2 decades. It felt just like yesterday when we were secondary school students, but yet so different. Well, apart from physical changes, all our personality very much remained the same. Ly's still the same outrageously witty, loud and expressively gal, though deep down, she's possessed by a spirit of sorrow & melancholy. De still looks good as if he never aged since 20 years back. He's got a mind so complex; I think his intelligence is way beyond my ability to comprehend. Hahaha... But he too, is possessed. By Casper, the friendly ghost! He's like a wondering spirit who simply cannot settle down! And I wonder if he ever will. :)
So the 3 musketeers spend the night at the good, old Holland Village dining, chatting, drinking and indulging... in food, coffee, ice-cream and fond memories. The same place, the same people, but yet, it was no longer the same. I couldn't pen (type, in this case) my thoughts & feelings about last night because they were beyond words. And if I really have to, I think its going to take days to materialise. So I'd rather hide them in a little corner of my heart, and perhaps when I turn demented one day, I'll be able to verbalise the episode. Hopefully, I'll have an audience then. *Fingers crossed*
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