Parenting is defined as "the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children" by the Random House Unabridged Dictionary. In my childhood days, I bet my parents knew nothing about parenting. Dad's main concern would be bringing home the bacon while mom manages the household and the kids (4 of us to be exact). Did they apply any special methods or techniques? I asked my dad and he said "No lah!. What We just let you girls be. I think kids those days were not half as smart as kids today."
But look, my parent raised 4 great (yes, great! Hee...) children who turned out happy and healthy today. In fact, dad had to single-parent us when mom passed away 14 years back. So what's the problem with parenting or parents today? Why can't we be like my parents who let our kids be (in terms of play and having fun) and yet have faith that these kids will turn out decent??? It seriously got me thinking...
Then while having a chat with a friend via SMS one night on the topic of parenting, he mentioned his wife and him are currently leading a group of parents (both young and old) in church in a workshop entitled "Effective Parenting... In a Defective World" (a course series by Chip Ingram. Go to http://www.lote.org/ for more details). Reading the notes he emailed me brought so much insight into the parenting arena which has never crossed my mind. Well, if parental love and concern for their children had always remained the same, ceteris paribus, we can almost be certain that it is the society we lived in today that has cause parenting to change.
Well, parenting doesn't sound like fun to me now, though I actually thought it was so a few months back. Perhaps I'm starting to believe in the kiasu-nazis who so often stressed on giving the best to your child. I knew of quite a few moms who belonged to this nazis group as they buy only the best clothings/shoes and send their kids to the best childcare, playgroup or enrichment classes.
Nevertheless, I came to my senses. I looked into my gals' closet and found apparels from Baby Gap, Baby Guess, Baby B'gosh, Pumpkin Patch, Mothercare, Elle and Old Navy. They even received Nike shoes for their coming 1st birthday. I'm certain they are extremely well clothed and fed. After all, I gave them organic cereal! Hee... Our "best" may not meet the world's standard of The Best, but it is what Di and I can best offer them. This underlining principle is probably the same as what my parents had when were little. With this understanding, Di and I will do our best in parenting them while God will do the rest. On top of all the material provision, my best gift to them is prayer. And one day, they will learn to pray for themselves too. ^.^
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
SEVEN
What comes to mind when you hear of the number seven? Seven deadly sins??? Or the Seventh Year Itch/Craving (七年之痒)???
Hee... Well, today marks the seventh wedding anniversary for Di and I. With the 2 munchkins with us this year, we took a break from our usual celebration of having "dinner accompanied by little thoughtful gifts". Anyway, what kind of celebration will one crave for when you're down with cold/cough for the past 2 days???
This morning, a semi-comatose me woke up later than usual due to the effects of my flu/cough medication. A sweet SMS from Di saying "Happy 7th Anniversary" greeted me when I switched on my little black gadget, fondly known as 小黑. What a way to start the day! I managed to breeze through the day, feeling some what lethargic from the after effects of my medication. My FDW had been a great help for she had to battle the munchkins alone. Later in the evening, Di came home and to my delight, he brought goodies for me. Nothing special for our anniversary, but something he'd like to share with me - Goodwood Park Hotel's signature snowskin durian and jackfruit mooncakes! Hee... "Glutton" is one of the seven deadly sins!!! But I love the mooncakes despite my swollen throat. Surely I can be forgiven for my indulgence on this special day? ^.^
Some may ask "So that's all for your wedding anniversary celebration?", or say to us "Don't get complacent and forget your romance after the kids arrived!" Nah, no worries! We haven't. We are still deciding on the date to leave our munchkins and FDW with my dad/sisters, while Di and I dine in peace, savouring fresh sashimi and gratifying our hunger for the many other Japanese cuisine we so missed.
いただきます... *Slurp*
Hee... Well, today marks the seventh wedding anniversary for Di and I. With the 2 munchkins with us this year, we took a break from our usual celebration of having "dinner accompanied by little thoughtful gifts". Anyway, what kind of celebration will one crave for when you're down with cold/cough for the past 2 days???
This morning, a semi-comatose me woke up later than usual due to the effects of my flu/cough medication. A sweet SMS from Di saying "Happy 7th Anniversary" greeted me when I switched on my little black gadget, fondly known as 小黑. What a way to start the day! I managed to breeze through the day, feeling some what lethargic from the after effects of my medication. My FDW had been a great help for she had to battle the munchkins alone. Later in the evening, Di came home and to my delight, he brought goodies for me. Nothing special for our anniversary, but something he'd like to share with me - Goodwood Park Hotel's signature snowskin durian and jackfruit mooncakes! Hee... "Glutton" is one of the seven deadly sins!!! But I love the mooncakes despite my swollen throat. Surely I can be forgiven for my indulgence on this special day? ^.^
Some may ask "So that's all for your wedding anniversary celebration?", or say to us "Don't get complacent and forget your romance after the kids arrived!" Nah, no worries! We haven't. We are still deciding on the date to leave our munchkins and FDW with my dad/sisters, while Di and I dine in peace, savouring fresh sashimi and gratifying our hunger for the many other Japanese cuisine we so missed.
いただきます... *Slurp*
Recovery
A week had past... Time flies, indeed. And Ning had delivered her child last weekend. She also replied my SMS to let me know she's feeling fine and recovering well. I thank God for that. And I know God knows how it feels to have a loved one taken away. HE's been there too some 2000 years back.
"On the day when Heaven cry,
The sky was torn apart,
And its tears became the falling rain,
That flows from Heaven's broken heart."
I am reminded of the chorus of this song I used to love singing every Easter. Its from a children musical called"The Boy Who Believed". I've tried searching for the disc but to no success to date. Yet every time I ask God the question "why", HE will bring to mind this song and it puts me to shame.
But I am only human, I'll think to myself. So on top of my quiet time with God, the human side of me felt the need to verbalise my feelings through communication with a mortal being. I waited for Ling (one of us in our clique of 4) to touch down from her holiday trip on Sunday and shared with her. We both cried but well, you can't deny the female species of their rights to tear. It definitely made us feel better. For now, we'll just look forward to meeting Ning when she has recovered, and hopefully we don't have to wait too long...
"On the day when Heaven cry,
The sky was torn apart,
And its tears became the falling rain,
That flows from Heaven's broken heart."
I am reminded of the chorus of this song I used to love singing every Easter. Its from a children musical called"The Boy Who Believed". I've tried searching for the disc but to no success to date. Yet every time I ask God the question "why", HE will bring to mind this song and it puts me to shame.
But I am only human, I'll think to myself. So on top of my quiet time with God, the human side of me felt the need to verbalise my feelings through communication with a mortal being. I waited for Ling (one of us in our clique of 4) to touch down from her holiday trip on Sunday and shared with her. We both cried but well, you can't deny the female species of their rights to tear. It definitely made us feel better. For now, we'll just look forward to meeting Ning when she has recovered, and hopefully we don't have to wait too long...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Utterly Despondent
I was pretty emotional when I read about Ashley (see my previous blog or http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/) and that same melancholy mood came back on Sunday when the story of Ashley was published in the Straits Times' Life section.
Then today, tears rolled again... For at least an hour or so, I couldn't come to terms with God. Ning, one of my best friends, is 4 months pregnant with the child she and her husband so longed for. About 2 weeks back, she turned down an invitation to lunch together. Reason was her family was going through prayer and fasting for her unborn child, who had been diagnosed with "developmental issues". She was scheduled to have her medical review this morning at the gynae's clinic at the mall near my place. Well, God had it all planned and you guessed it! I ran into the couple when I was at the mall buying lunch.
There was no good news. The decision will be a painful one and Ning is devastated. We hugged and sobbed uncontrollably outside the gynae's clinic, ignoring the congregation of fathers-to-be loitering around the vicinity. I felt utterly disappointed, not exactly with God, but with the outcome. But I'm really thankful she's got a really strong and supportive husband, though I knew he's grieving too. He stood there calm, with redden eyes. And he told us to wait for him down the mall while he settles the paperwork at the clinic.
Grieving is a long process. Ning and her hubby needed time to face their grief, hurts or even anger. And I can't imagine Ning having to face this "grieve" when they speak to their pastor, break the news to their parents, colleagues, etc. Then she still has the delivery process to go through. Reality will hit her right on her face many times fiercely and mercilessly. I hated that thought...
Guess for the next couple of days, I'll still be feeling downcast, though deep down inside me, I knew it'll all come to pass.
Then today, tears rolled again... For at least an hour or so, I couldn't come to terms with God. Ning, one of my best friends, is 4 months pregnant with the child she and her husband so longed for. About 2 weeks back, she turned down an invitation to lunch together. Reason was her family was going through prayer and fasting for her unborn child, who had been diagnosed with "developmental issues". She was scheduled to have her medical review this morning at the gynae's clinic at the mall near my place. Well, God had it all planned and you guessed it! I ran into the couple when I was at the mall buying lunch.
There was no good news. The decision will be a painful one and Ning is devastated. We hugged and sobbed uncontrollably outside the gynae's clinic, ignoring the congregation of fathers-to-be loitering around the vicinity. I felt utterly disappointed, not exactly with God, but with the outcome. But I'm really thankful she's got a really strong and supportive husband, though I knew he's grieving too. He stood there calm, with redden eyes. And he told us to wait for him down the mall while he settles the paperwork at the clinic.
Grieving is a long process. Ning and her hubby needed time to face their grief, hurts or even anger. And I can't imagine Ning having to face this "grieve" when they speak to their pastor, break the news to their parents, colleagues, etc. Then she still has the delivery process to go through. Reality will hit her right on her face many times fiercely and mercilessly. I hated that thought...
Guess for the next couple of days, I'll still be feeling downcast, though deep down inside me, I knew it'll all come to pass.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Birth Mark
Many people asked if there are any birth marks on my munchkins to differentiate them. As a matter of fact, Xuan has a small grey one on her left arm. En has strawberry veins (known as strawberry hemangioma in medical terms) on her left wrist which has faded very substantially over the months. We believe it'll disappear in no time. As for Xuan, her birth mark may fade someday or perhaps lighten as she grows older.
Here's a pix of En's fading strawberry veins at 4 month and now.
But, me too has a permanent mark resulting from the birth of my bundle of joy. And contrary to that of my little ones, mine grew quite substantially and its color darken over the months. It has a name - one which I prefer not to have known - KELOID.
Alas... After months of wishing it would disappear totally, then praying hard it would subside a little and finally hoping it would at least be less obvious, I now resigned myself to "fate". Or should I say I've been consoling myself by claiming it as "a daily reminder of my munchkins' glorious entry from my womb right into my arms". Hahaha...
Anyway, I took a photo of it since I consider it a souvenir of that victorious night I delivered my twins who were carried to term. There you go...
Above is an obscure little pix which I'd like to label it "Parental Guidance" recommended for all viewers below 12 years of age. ^.^ In case you can't read the fine prints on the pix, it says "Keloid measures 13.5cm (approx. 5.5 inches)".
I'm not sure if the kids will appreciate this pix when they chanced upon it later on in life. But I know Di does. And that's good enough...
Here's a pix of En's fading strawberry veins at 4 month and now.
But, me too has a permanent mark resulting from the birth of my bundle of joy. And contrary to that of my little ones, mine grew quite substantially and its color darken over the months. It has a name - one which I prefer not to have known - KELOID.
Alas... After months of wishing it would disappear totally, then praying hard it would subside a little and finally hoping it would at least be less obvious, I now resigned myself to "fate". Or should I say I've been consoling myself by claiming it as "a daily reminder of my munchkins' glorious entry from my womb right into my arms". Hahaha...
Anyway, I took a photo of it since I consider it a souvenir of that victorious night I delivered my twins who were carried to term. There you go...
Above is an obscure little pix which I'd like to label it "Parental Guidance" recommended for all viewers below 12 years of age. ^.^ In case you can't read the fine prints on the pix, it says "Keloid measures 13.5cm (approx. 5.5 inches)".
I'm not sure if the kids will appreciate this pix when they chanced upon it later on in life. But I know Di does. And that's good enough...
Monday, September 3, 2007
Above All Else
The following is the lyrics to a song called "Above All Else". The words were written by Stormie Omartian (author of "The Power of A Praying Parent") and sang by Debby Boone. And I totally agree when she said the words summed up what is in every believing parent's heart. If you are a believing parent, I'm sure you'll agree with me too...
So much to say and just a lifetime left to say it.
How quickly time passes.
If I had my way, I'd keep you safe within my arms
While the storm of life crashes.
I won't always be with you, my child,
But words I can give.
When the winds of hope are dying down,
These words will live.
Above all else, know God's the One who'll never leave you.
Look to Him above all else.
He is love you can depend upon, a heart set to care.
If in the darkest night you should be lost, He will be there.
He’s the Everlasting Father,
In His hands you’ll never fall.
He’s the One who holds it all,
Above all else.
He’s the Author of your laughter,
He’s the Keeper of your tears,
He’s the One who you must fear
Above all else.
He’s the Giver of the kingdom
Bought for you right from the start,
And He’ll ask you for your heart
Above all else.
So much to say
And not enough time left to say it.
Just love the Lord
Above all else.
So much to say and just a lifetime left to say it.
How quickly time passes.
If I had my way, I'd keep you safe within my arms
While the storm of life crashes.
I won't always be with you, my child,
But words I can give.
When the winds of hope are dying down,
These words will live.
Above all else, know God's the One who'll never leave you.
Look to Him above all else.
He is love you can depend upon, a heart set to care.
If in the darkest night you should be lost, He will be there.
He’s the Everlasting Father,
In His hands you’ll never fall.
He’s the One who holds it all,
Above all else.
He’s the Author of your laughter,
He’s the Keeper of your tears,
He’s the One who you must fear
Above all else.
He’s the Giver of the kingdom
Bought for you right from the start,
And He’ll ask you for your heart
Above all else.
So much to say
And not enough time left to say it.
Just love the Lord
Above all else.
The Guilt Demon
How often have we done something to our kids in a fit of anger and then felt guilty about? I guess its quite a common thing among parents today. I, for one, am guilty of raising my voice or losing my patience with my munchkins quite frequently. Nevertheless, that sentiment of guilt slips away as quickly as it comes.
Yet for the past 2 days, Di had been tormented by the guilt demon. At my in-laws' place on Saturday, all was fine when En was having her evening bath while Xuan was napping. Then Di heard Xuan wailing in the bedroom down the corridor. Thoughts like "did she fell off the 6-inches thick mattress?" or "is she scared because she woke up alone in an unfamiliar bedroom?" raced through his mind. He had no time to ponder the situation. He just need to rescue his princess! So he ran towards the room, push open the bedroom door... only to hit against an "obstacle" behind the door... his own flesh and blood!
Xuan was petrified, her head shaking and she sobbed uncontrollably in fear and pain. Di was so overwhelmed, he couldn't recall how he had to push the door inwards wide enough for his gigantic body to enter into the room to cuddle his fear/pain stricken child. From that moment onwards, the demon took control till now.
Despite assurance from everyone that Xuan seemed alright and unhurt (except for a redden cheek which is probably the area hit by the door), the demon stood firm in Di. It was pure accident but the impact was so great, I guess he'll remember it for life. I just pray the demon will walk out of Di in no time.
As for Xuan, she's happily watching her favourite Sesame Street VCD now as I type, occasionally making sounds like "ya-ya", "hee", "eh...", clapping her hands and chuckles a lot. I can't thank the Lord enough for preserving her. Amen!
Yet for the past 2 days, Di had been tormented by the guilt demon. At my in-laws' place on Saturday, all was fine when En was having her evening bath while Xuan was napping. Then Di heard Xuan wailing in the bedroom down the corridor. Thoughts like "did she fell off the 6-inches thick mattress?" or "is she scared because she woke up alone in an unfamiliar bedroom?" raced through his mind. He had no time to ponder the situation. He just need to rescue his princess! So he ran towards the room, push open the bedroom door... only to hit against an "obstacle" behind the door... his own flesh and blood!
Xuan was petrified, her head shaking and she sobbed uncontrollably in fear and pain. Di was so overwhelmed, he couldn't recall how he had to push the door inwards wide enough for his gigantic body to enter into the room to cuddle his fear/pain stricken child. From that moment onwards, the demon took control till now.
Despite assurance from everyone that Xuan seemed alright and unhurt (except for a redden cheek which is probably the area hit by the door), the demon stood firm in Di. It was pure accident but the impact was so great, I guess he'll remember it for life. I just pray the demon will walk out of Di in no time.
As for Xuan, she's happily watching her favourite Sesame Street VCD now as I type, occasionally making sounds like "ya-ya", "hee", "eh...", clapping her hands and chuckles a lot. I can't thank the Lord enough for preserving her. Amen!
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