Do Not Worry

My soul was downcast for the past few days, a reflection of the gloomy, rainy weather. There was little sunlight and we were "trapped" at home. No outings to the malls, no walks to the parks, and even had to shut the main door as the strong wind kept the girls' hands/feet freezing cold. I began a series of "snacking" since there isn't much to do. Then all of a sudden, I realised my binging could be a sign of stress. But then... stress over what??? There's NOTHING to stress about in my life... No work stress, no relationship stress, happy family, great kids, good maid, etc... Errr... Well, let's face it. Even if there isn't a major stress factor in life, we still fret over little stuff like babies not adjusting well to new formula, complexion getting worse, gaining that 1kg, what lies ahead, blah, blah, blah and the list goes on...

In any case, I realised the NOTHING which I'm "stressed" about is a actually SOMETHING, and that itself is a WORRY. Sounds perplexing? You see, the dictionary define worry as follows:

• to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret;
• to feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled.

Well, I do suffer from disturbing thoughts, or so I thought. These disturbing thoughts come and go, causing me to hover between anger and remorse. Even if I managed to survive this round, it'll only stay dormant for a while, only to resurface again later on. Its like a "ghost" lingering outside my door...

I reckon this is a "spiritual" issue since a "ghost" is involved, or you may deem it a psychological one if that sounds more acceptable. Who shall I turn to for help? Send out a prayer request to my kakis via SMS? Call a pastor? Or shall I call the SAMH (Singapore Association for Mental Health) helpline? If my pea brain doesn't fail me, the helpline number should be 1800-2837019... Errr... Just kidding. Kekeke... The primitive way works best, I decided. I go back to my favourite scripture in my sweet Precious Moments NKJV Bible, turning to Matthew 6:25-34 with a bold heading "Do Not Worry". I could feel my muscles loosening up as I read. Its indeed very comforting to know that I have absolutely nothing to worry about as I go through the passage. My favourite verses in the entire passage is 28-30. I love the way King Solomon is said to be dressed nothing compared to lilies of the field. Kekeke... My spirit is always lifted whenever I read this portion over and over again. Oh yes I do, O me of little faith...

"So King Solomon surpassed all the kings of the earth in riches and wisdom" - 1 Kings 10:23 NKJV

"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;
and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" - Mathew 6:28-30 NKJV

Time...

Love this inspirational quote sent by a friend. Very encouraging, especially when my patience is totally exhausted by my kids...

The Art of Exercising Patience

"Love is patient, love is kind..." This is one of the famous quote from 1 Corinthians 13:4 of the Bible. I love my children!!! Yes I do! But what ever happened to patience??? I dunno... Both of them can simply corner me and drive me to my grave when they get obstinately unmoving. I tried exercising patience. I really did...

Well, you see, they have both expanded their "roaming coverage" lately. They used to just hang out in the living hall and dining area. Before I knew it, they started to invade the kitchen one day and few days back, Xuan appeared at the door to our Study while I was surfing the net. I must have given her that "What are you doing here?" expression, and she quickly turned and you guess it! She crawled right into the master bedroom, chuckling away as though we were playing "catching". Our entire home is now Neverland to my 2 "Peter-Pans" (aka the twins or rascals). But above all, their favourite hang out place is the main door/gate. Its what I call the Hot Spot. Whenever a door/gate opens (could be my neighbour's), the Peter-Pans would crawl to the gate at full speed just to see if they can catch a glimpse of the world outside Neverland, and hopefully catch an adventure ride (to be carried) out there. When I sometimes ignore their request to take a short walk, that's when a challenging series of tug-of-war begins, causing my sanity to hang by a thread and patience tested to the extreme.

I have, over the past few days, concluded the Art of Exercising Patience as a vicious cycle that goes like this:

• All peace at home;
• Rascals cry when not getting their way;
• I coax them by talking nicely to them;
• I pacify them by giving them hug or carry them;
• I compliment them for being cooperative (which normally doesn't last long);
• I plead with them to stop their nonsense;
• I beg for God's mercy;
• I threaten to whack them;
• I YELL AT THEM;
• Everyone calms down once the gate open and we go for a walk along the corridor;
• I feel guilty for not being patient with them;
• All peace at home again; and then it starts all over in no time...

Worried that I may turn bald if I continue to pull my hair when faced with the "Patience" challenge, I did the most brilliant act this afternoon. I had a haircut... So short was my new hairdo, I think I'm beginning to look like my Peter-Pans. Hahaha...

Do you think they'll be more cooperative now that we "share similar outlook"??? "FAT HOPE!!!", my conscious pea brain reminds me. *tsk*

Monday Blues???

A good friend and I exchanged SMSes this morning and in one of her messages she said "...today Monday is a sian day." I paused, gave it a thought and replied her "Everyday is the same to me now because I've taken on a 24/7 job..." Indeed, my daily routine sometimes start as early as 5:30am, and I try to start my day with a smile. How can you not smile when you have a 9 month old fellow smiling at you from her cot right next to your bed? Well, I can't. My tight facial muscles will automatically relaxes itself and acknowledge by putting the elasticity of my facial tissues to test. ^.^

But you know, I used to have Monday Blues too when I was in the workforce. In fact, I bet most of my ex-colleagues in the logistics/supply chain industry will still remember my "lung gar" face (upset, flat or expressionless) when I step into the office on a Monday morning only to hear of a shipment delay or documentation error. It'll take fire-fighting conversations, lots of impatient phone calls and many cups of black coffee to save the day. In fact, I think coffee's not a beverage to me then. Its an "escape route" which takes me away from my work to the pantry or canteen.

Nowadays, I still drink my usual black coffee. But I'll sip it slowly to enjoy its aroma while watching my girls ransack my house. And I drink it almost every other day, not just Mondays...

Buzi, buzi, buzi...

I had a really busy, busy weekend. Di had food poisoning from eating some food from the pasar malam. The diarrhea and vomiting started on Sun @ 4am. We went to GP, had his jabs and medication but it didn't helped at all. He was so badly dehydrated, I had to send him to TTSH A&E on Sun night. We only returned home @ about 3am on Mon morning bcos Di had to be under observation while he was put on IV drip. Haiz... Well, he's finally back to work today though still feeling weak. He was unable to eat much for the past 3 days. But looks like this episode's gonna help him lose a bit of his waistline. Kekeke...

The rascals are also a little feverish cos their premolars are on the way. Arrgghhhh... I felt as though I'm caring for 3 babies over the past few days. Thank God my FDW is a patient one. I'd have drop dead if not for her. Hee...

"My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 (NKJV)

Gong Gong Transformed

As expected, Gong-Gong appeared at about lunch time with yummy YTF for me and my FDW, along with the girls' loot - packets of infant biscuits and some new toys. Watching my dad carry the girls, laughing out loud and speaking to them is a very heartwarming sight. Being a quiet, reserved man who's been a widower for the past 14 years, I always wonder how I can make his life more enriching when all he care about is whether we are well fed and healthy. Today, yes, I mean today 6 July 2007, I know his life had been transformed - by the 2 little rascals he so loved. Hee...

I look forward to the day the girls call him Gong-Gong for the first time. Wonder what'll be his reaction. Will there be tears??? Probably not. Perhaps a super broad grin accompanied by the words "Guai lah..." and a big hug. ^.^

9 months

It takes 9 months of gestation to develop a healthy baby and we've past that phase. Today, we celebrate our twins' 9 months of age - and many more 9 months to come. Looking at their pictures placed beside the PC now, I can't help but feel so emotional all of a sudden. From morning sickness to feeling heavy in my last trimester, then the stressful post confinement periods and now... I can't believe I'm looking at the pictures of 2 sweet girls with angelic smiles and occasionally, devilish grin. How did I survived? I dunno... And its not that important anymore, isn't it? We just "play by ear" as the days passes by.

We had a busy week and I'm dead tired. The girls had been waking up at about 6am in the morning for a few weeks now. Arrghhhh... There goes my beauty sleep. I had lots of fun over the week though. The girls had their first dip in the pool last Saturday. Its was wonderful!!! I think we'll do it again. ^.^ Sunday was a "crowded" day as our house was packed with visitors (friends staying in the neighbourhood as well as my IL's family). Then I had my SAHM/MTB/FTWM gathering on Wednesday night at Sakae Sushi. Yesterday I brought the girls to visit my granny, followed by dinner at Gong-Gong's place. Dead beat yet fulfilling. All these activities kept me sane, alright?

Talk about the crowd on Sunday at my place, I suddenly realised our house is no longer that BIG. We used to be able to house 20+ pax and still has space for everyone to move around. Now, we've got exersaucers, twin stroller, playpen, play mat, baby highchair, toy box, and little pieces of toys all over the living hall. Oh my!!! *headache*

And the latest addition this week includes:
(1) one metre tall air-filled tumbler (a toy made with a weighted rounded base so that it can rock over and then right itself) with Tom & Jerry printed on it - bought by Di; and
(2) lightweight single stroller for walks to the park and nearby mall - bought by Gong-Gong.

Well, I'm sure there'll be more to come. As it is, its only been 9 months and we're already blessed with this much. I just pray we'll at least be able to walk across the living hall in the 9 months to come. I've already been told by Gong-Gong that he'll "take care' of the bicycles and tricycle once the girls are ready for it. Thank God for grandpas indeed.

Oh yes, I've got to take a photo of the girls later to celebrate their 9th month "milestone". Kekeke... The pictures are more of a reminder to me on how far I've come as a mother. My KPI for the month >>> to assist the twins in further developing their gross motor skills to achieve Di's vision of them taking their first step by their 10th month. ^.^V

Now I wonder if there'll be additional bonus for me if I managed to achieve my KPI. And what if only one of the girls managed to take her first step in a month's time? Halve the bonus? Di, what do you say??? Kekeke...

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is His reward." - Psalm 127:3 (NKJV)